Marriage, according to me, is the most complex relation to get into! You would agree too!
Now that I have reached the age where I need to get into this ‘complex relationship’, I thought of analyzing it further. On my travel to office, sometimes when I am not reading a book or writing an article for my blog, I do try to think ki meri life partner kaun hogi, kaisi hogi, kahaan ki hog, gujju hogi, Marathi hogi, B.E. hogi, MBA hogi, sweet hogi, beautiful hogi, soft-spoken hogi, gussewaali hogi etc.??? (Empty mind is devil’s workshop!)
Types of marriage: broadly 2 types : Arranged and Love !
Arranged Marriages : The one in which you are given a photo of a girl or a boy living some 100s of kms from your home, someone whom you must never have met or imagined, someone whom you must have pictured at all (the assumption here is that one normally does try to create a default image of a life-partner, because not everyone can get an aishwarya or a shahrukh!). in this type of marriage, normally the boy’s parents and the boy go the girl’s house and try to figure out whether the “other side” is apt for their status. The girl then comes out of the kitchen and brings chai, kahdapohaa, samosa, etc. made “exclusively by her” (it’s only later on that you come to know that the samosas made by her and the ones made in a nearby snacks-corner taste the same!). The boy shyly asks the girl about her name, qualification, house-handling skills, etc. The would-be-mother-in-laws interrupt to add on to the existing qualities of the boy or girl. Like for eg, even if the girl has never ever tried making “undhyoo” in her life, the would-be-mother-in-law states with full confidence that NO ONE in the whole of gujurat can make “undhyoo” like her daughter makes. That makes the boy’s side very happy. Because, knowing how to make “undhyoo” is more important that knowing basic mathematics like “3 + 2 = 5”! And yes, the would-be-mother-in-law can confidently state the expertise of her daughter’s because she knows that there is lot of time between that day and the day her daughter gets married.
The girl then asks the boy questions like “what is your favorite dish?”, “which school did you study in” , “etc. (it’s later on girl gathers courage to ask why the boy chose her, what his expectations are, whether she would be allowed to carry on with her job, etc..). The girl’s and boy’s side then sign the MoU (memorandum of understanding) that they have liked each other’s kids and would like the carry the process further.
The date is then finalized. The boy and girl start getting nervous because since the day they talked to each other for the first time and the ‘doom’s day’, they have hardly talked to each other for some 10-15 times. Both of them pray to god to assure them that the decision that they have taken is a right decision!...
Advantages of arranged marriage:
1) The level of understanding or adjustment is higher than in other types of marriages because you know that in just 10- 15 times of ‘phone conversation’, its not possible for one to know the other fully! So its implicit that there are going to be a few things that might come up as “surprise” and the other half has to take that “surprise” as if it were as simple as “sun rises in the east”.
2) You can easily blame your parents or relatives in case the marriage goes haywire!... you can keep making others feel guilty for the rest of their lives, (of course you would be the most torn-apart..)
3) there won’t be those “you have changed a lot, you were not like this before” types of fights!
Disadvantages of arranged marriage :
1) I feel that it is very important that the boy and girl know each other before spending the second half of their lives! Without proper understanding, it would be very difficult to lead a happy life…
2) knowing each other’s moods, nature is more important than knowing whether she knows how to use computer, whether she can do an online money transfer, whether she can cook “undhyoo”, whether she can speak English well….etc
3) when a boy goes to meet a girl for the first time, it obvious that the boy is going to act as if he is some saint and has never had an affair and the girl is going to act as if she were “tulsi” of Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi (those who have not heard abt this serial, pls use google!). So, the point is that the NATURAL YOU is not exposed in such short-time meetings…. This dreads me a lot!
Love Marriages : The boy is sitting on his motorcycle and chatting with his friends. The girl is going to college with her friends. Suddenly a light whiff of wind makes the girl’s hair brush against her sweet face. The boy’s eyes are about to pop out like you see in cartoons! The boy follows the girl. The girl thinks that the boy is some pervert. The boy tries to convince her a lot. They talk to each other in the class. They talk to each other in the canteen. They talk to each other in the theater. Finally either of them proposes (normally the boy does). The either one agrees. They forget that are other human beings on this planet who might oppose them. But love is undefeatable, they think. They share this “breaking news” with parents. The parents are stunned to the core. Normally the father has his dreams of marrying his daughter in a Dhoom Dhaam manner (I wonder why he won’t do so in case it is a love marriage!). a lot of drama happens in both the houses. Finally love triumphs. The boy and girl get married.
Advantages of love marriage:
1) You know each other very well and so you know what act of ours will irk the other half. You would try to avoid doing what the other half doesn’t like…
2) You have the satisfaction that you are spending the life with the person that you wanted to be with!
3) You are happy that you took the most important decision of your life by yourself!
(I personally would prefer marrying a non-gujju because – see, I have spent 26 years following gujju culture, now i want some change in life. I want some deviation from normal. So suppose if my wife is southie or a Marathi then definitely there is going to be a vast difference in culture, food, style of living, etc. I would love to break the monotony in life by marrying a non-gujju! Non-gujju girls, are you reading this blog?? :-))
Disadvantages of love marriage:
1) Chances are high that one might take the other for granted. (a lot of my “love married” frnds have told me this)
2) With all the good points like “sweet smile, sugar-coated giggling” might also come “hot-temper” which you would know earlier also and there is no going back!
3) “why should I adjust?. You knew me well before marriage…that time you were OK and now….” These words might resound many times in the house. Arranged marriages won’t have such excuses, I feel.
All in all, each type has its pitfalls and advantages. Its upto one to figure out what is expected in a life partner….. at least, I am trying to figure out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)….
All in all, I would say that Respect in the relationship matters the most... Respect for what you are, respect for your thoughts and beliefs, respect for your past is what should be the base for any relation. Then it doesnt matter whether your life partner is a mallu, marathi, punjabi, etc...!
Now that I have reached the age where I need to get into this ‘complex relationship’, I thought of analyzing it further. On my travel to office, sometimes when I am not reading a book or writing an article for my blog, I do try to think ki meri life partner kaun hogi, kaisi hogi, kahaan ki hog, gujju hogi, Marathi hogi, B.E. hogi, MBA hogi, sweet hogi, beautiful hogi, soft-spoken hogi, gussewaali hogi etc.??? (Empty mind is devil’s workshop!)
Types of marriage: broadly 2 types : Arranged and Love !
Arranged Marriages : The one in which you are given a photo of a girl or a boy living some 100s of kms from your home, someone whom you must never have met or imagined, someone whom you must have pictured at all (the assumption here is that one normally does try to create a default image of a life-partner, because not everyone can get an aishwarya or a shahrukh!). in this type of marriage, normally the boy’s parents and the boy go the girl’s house and try to figure out whether the “other side” is apt for their status. The girl then comes out of the kitchen and brings chai, kahdapohaa, samosa, etc. made “exclusively by her” (it’s only later on that you come to know that the samosas made by her and the ones made in a nearby snacks-corner taste the same!). The boy shyly asks the girl about her name, qualification, house-handling skills, etc. The would-be-mother-in-laws interrupt to add on to the existing qualities of the boy or girl. Like for eg, even if the girl has never ever tried making “undhyoo” in her life, the would-be-mother-in-law states with full confidence that NO ONE in the whole of gujurat can make “undhyoo” like her daughter makes. That makes the boy’s side very happy. Because, knowing how to make “undhyoo” is more important that knowing basic mathematics like “3 + 2 = 5”! And yes, the would-be-mother-in-law can confidently state the expertise of her daughter’s because she knows that there is lot of time between that day and the day her daughter gets married.
The girl then asks the boy questions like “what is your favorite dish?”, “which school did you study in” , “etc. (it’s later on girl gathers courage to ask why the boy chose her, what his expectations are, whether she would be allowed to carry on with her job, etc..). The girl’s and boy’s side then sign the MoU (memorandum of understanding) that they have liked each other’s kids and would like the carry the process further.
The date is then finalized. The boy and girl start getting nervous because since the day they talked to each other for the first time and the ‘doom’s day’, they have hardly talked to each other for some 10-15 times. Both of them pray to god to assure them that the decision that they have taken is a right decision!...
Advantages of arranged marriage:
1) The level of understanding or adjustment is higher than in other types of marriages because you know that in just 10- 15 times of ‘phone conversation’, its not possible for one to know the other fully! So its implicit that there are going to be a few things that might come up as “surprise” and the other half has to take that “surprise” as if it were as simple as “sun rises in the east”.
2) You can easily blame your parents or relatives in case the marriage goes haywire!... you can keep making others feel guilty for the rest of their lives, (of course you would be the most torn-apart..)
3) there won’t be those “you have changed a lot, you were not like this before” types of fights!
Disadvantages of arranged marriage :
1) I feel that it is very important that the boy and girl know each other before spending the second half of their lives! Without proper understanding, it would be very difficult to lead a happy life…
2) knowing each other’s moods, nature is more important than knowing whether she knows how to use computer, whether she can do an online money transfer, whether she can cook “undhyoo”, whether she can speak English well….etc
3) when a boy goes to meet a girl for the first time, it obvious that the boy is going to act as if he is some saint and has never had an affair and the girl is going to act as if she were “tulsi” of Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi (those who have not heard abt this serial, pls use google!). So, the point is that the NATURAL YOU is not exposed in such short-time meetings…. This dreads me a lot!
Love Marriages : The boy is sitting on his motorcycle and chatting with his friends. The girl is going to college with her friends. Suddenly a light whiff of wind makes the girl’s hair brush against her sweet face. The boy’s eyes are about to pop out like you see in cartoons! The boy follows the girl. The girl thinks that the boy is some pervert. The boy tries to convince her a lot. They talk to each other in the class. They talk to each other in the canteen. They talk to each other in the theater. Finally either of them proposes (normally the boy does). The either one agrees. They forget that are other human beings on this planet who might oppose them. But love is undefeatable, they think. They share this “breaking news” with parents. The parents are stunned to the core. Normally the father has his dreams of marrying his daughter in a Dhoom Dhaam manner (I wonder why he won’t do so in case it is a love marriage!). a lot of drama happens in both the houses. Finally love triumphs. The boy and girl get married.
Advantages of love marriage:
1) You know each other very well and so you know what act of ours will irk the other half. You would try to avoid doing what the other half doesn’t like…
2) You have the satisfaction that you are spending the life with the person that you wanted to be with!
3) You are happy that you took the most important decision of your life by yourself!
(I personally would prefer marrying a non-gujju because – see, I have spent 26 years following gujju culture, now i want some change in life. I want some deviation from normal. So suppose if my wife is southie or a Marathi then definitely there is going to be a vast difference in culture, food, style of living, etc. I would love to break the monotony in life by marrying a non-gujju! Non-gujju girls, are you reading this blog?? :-))
Disadvantages of love marriage:
1) Chances are high that one might take the other for granted. (a lot of my “love married” frnds have told me this)
2) With all the good points like “sweet smile, sugar-coated giggling” might also come “hot-temper” which you would know earlier also and there is no going back!
3) “why should I adjust?. You knew me well before marriage…that time you were OK and now….” These words might resound many times in the house. Arranged marriages won’t have such excuses, I feel.
All in all, each type has its pitfalls and advantages. Its upto one to figure out what is expected in a life partner….. at least, I am trying to figure out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)….
All in all, I would say that Respect in the relationship matters the most... Respect for what you are, respect for your thoughts and beliefs, respect for your past is what should be the base for any relation. Then it doesnt matter whether your life partner is a mallu, marathi, punjabi, etc...!
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