Because Dipen Eats Chicken…..

This April I turned 26. Being a gujju, I had already passed the expiry date of being suitable for marriage. I mean, by 26, a gujju needs to have at least one bakuli or a baku at home, he needs to be worried about which pre-school to choose for bakuli or baku. To add to these worries, you have Stock markets falling, government banning gutkhas, etc..!!..

I personally feel that I am a nice person. I work one of the best software companies in the world – HP. I have a good package. I, being an engineer from a very good college in Mumbai, thought that I would get any beautiful girl that I like to be my life partner! Only to realize that there are many more things to get an approval from WOULD-BE-FATHER-IN-LAW than just being engineer or working in HP or having a good salary..!!

For some reason I don’t prefer gujju girls. But still, because my mom is a very pro-gujju-bahu types, I thought ‘let me c how gujju girls are …’. Ekdum happy happy, I told my mama that I want to get married. Needless to say, my mama was damn happy. Since last 2-3 years I had been followed up for marriage. I was told that because of my resistance to marriage, I had lost 3 extremely good proposals. The girls were beautiful, were B.Com, were slim, could play Dandiyaa very well, were all-time Navraatri winners in their respective districts, knew how to cook Undhyoo, could talk in English, knew how to send an SMS and make and receive phone calls, could read bus-boards written in English, knew how to change password of their email ids, knew how to operate a computer, knew how to transfer money online, knew how to get new pass-books from banks, etc… I sighed because I missed the 3 best COULD-HAVE-BEEN-LIFE-PARTNERs!

I gave my details to mama. I was very happy because my credentials were very good. I was expecting a very good and well-educated girl to be my life-partner. 3-4 days later I got a phone call from my mama. He told me to take a pen in my hand and write down the details of the girl... u shld have seen the smile on my face… it was as if I was about to write the details of some gujurati-aishwarya rai!...

Height: 5 feet 3 inches

Colour : wheatish

Education : B.com, thinking of doing M.com.

Name : xyz (withheld for security reasons! J)

With a pen in my right hand and mobile in my left hand, the line went dead for some 5-6 seconds. I said “hello mama...u there?” Mama said “yes, beta. I am done with the details. This is all the info that I have”. Being a normal human being, you must have imagined the shock on my face...Right???? I mean, I was supposed to imagine a girl based on 4 attributes – height, colour, education and name!... I guess cracking CAT and getting into IIM Ahmadabad would be simpler than imagining the life partner using just 4 parameters!

My mama continued “but, beta, the girl is very sweet and beautiful. I have seen her. When she smiles, dimples appear in cheeks. She makes very nice tea.” I interrupted mama “but, mama, how about a photo? I mean, how can I judge whether I should go to Rajkot-720 kms from Mumbai, just on the basis of 4 parameters?... at least they should send the photo of hers so that I can decide whether she matches the diabetes-inducing fairy ingrained in my mind!”. Mama sighed. He had not encountered such a questioning-nephew before. He said “beta Dipen, they won’t give her photo. Even though the girl knows internet, she would not be allowed to send her photo”. Now I sighed. See, if the WOULD-BE-FATHER-IN-LAW is not willing to share her beautiful daughter’s photo, then there is nothing I can do from my side. Except for booking 2 tickets to Rajkot and meeting the girl in person! I was highly skeptical about meeting the girl because in all my visits to my home town I had rarely seen a beautiful girl as per my standards. I surrendered to my mama’s assurance that the girl was indeed like I had always imagined.

After a week, I booked two 3 tier A/C tickets to Rajkot. Man, was I excited to meet future Mrs. XYZ Dipen Ambalia! I even started imagining scenes where I introduce her to my boss as “hi Varun, meet xyz, my wife. Ane xyz, aa che Varun, maaraa boss”. Pheww!! Needless to say, I was jittery because I was going to meet a probable life partner!

I started discussing hows and whats of choosing a life partner. I mean, what to ask, what not to ask, how to behave in front of the WOULD-BE-FATHER-IN-LAW, what to look out for in the would-be-life-partner, how much to eat when the girl brings snacks and tea, how to end the whole meeting if I liked the girl, what to say if I don’t like the girl, how to evaluate the reponses, etc… My SETTLED friends guided me a lot. 4 days before the D-day, I thought of clarifying one thing that had been unsettling my mind since a long time. That was – whether the WBFIL (now I wont keep writing WOULD-BE-FATHER-IN-LAW, I tired.) would accept the fact that I eat CHICKEN!... WBFILs in gujurat are highly bent on having a son-in-law who is pure VEG! even if the son-in-law eats Gutkha, Tobacco, maavaa, etc – that doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter whether the son-in-law is an engineer or works in an MNC or has clean character! The most important thing is HE SHOULD BE A VEGGIE!...

I knew that my being a non-veggie would be a problem. So I called up m mama and told him to tell the WBFIL that I won’t give up chicken and fish for anyone on earth. Not even for Preity Zinta. You won’t be surprised to hear that my mama rebuked me a lot for eating chicken and more than that he scolded me for being so bold to ask him to convey this SHOCKING news to the WBFIL. He then asked me to talk to my mom about my stubborness of being a non-veggie. I didn’t budge. More than a liking for non-veg, it was now more of a “why can’t they accept this” kind-of an issue. I mean, I wasn’t going to stuff fish or chicken in the girl’s mouth! Usko nahi khana to na khaye... why should I give up non-veg for her!...simple..! After a lot of deliberation, I told my mama to tell the WBFIL that I won’t give up chicken. My mama did as I requested him to do.

The WOULD-BE-IN-FATHER-IN-LAW turned into a COULD-HAVE-BEEN-A-FATHER-IN-LAW. I was straight away rejected for eating chicken. He was not ready to have a son-in-law who eats chicken. My good credentials couldn’t compensate my being a non-veggie! I didn’t lose heart. Because I couldn’t have tolerated having such people around me. Mama told me “ beta, Dipen, they rejected you because you eat chicken!”…. What on earth would happen if I ate chicken??????

Now she is married to a crorepati in Ahmadabad. Lucky she was! Sukarm kiya hoga XYZ ne! Otherwise she would have to live in a rented 1 BHK in Kalyan and travel in jam-packed trains in Mumbai and then crib about what Kukarm she must have done to deserve me as a life partner!!! “Jo hota hai acche ke liye hota hai” proved to be right for her!

All in all, I am sure that I am no WOULD-BE-FATHER-IN-LAW from Gujarat would allow her daughter to spend her life with me…and now you know why….because Dipen eats chicken!!!!!!!!

So now, my only option is some beautiful non-gujju girl.!!..... I hope my target audience is reading this blog…:-)