Saturday, 5 December 2009

Autobiography of a Tantrik….

In last 4 hours I had 6 clients visiting me. One had a problem related to stomach. Three were suffering from marital problems and the rest two were having problems with their boss.

I cannot stop laughing when educated people come to me to get their problems solved. Of course I don’t laugh in front of them. but mun hi mun main bahut hasta hun…Whenever I ‘cure’ an educated person of his problems, I get a kind of wicked satisfaction. I mean, I am just a 5th grade student. And when I cure an educated person of his illness using my Mantras, I wonder what is the use of education that doesn’t teach you to be practical. Like, last week, I got this ‘patient’ who had lot of issues with his wife. He doubted his wife having an affair. This is how our conversation went :

Patient : Charansparsh Maharaj.

I just gestured. I didn’t greet him back. See, it’s a normal human psychology that if I don’t greet him back and instead I just gesture that I accepted his greetings, then I would have an upper hand in the meeting. As simple as that. He continued.

Patient: Maharaj, mai bahut chintit hun. Meri Biwi….

I stopped him just when he was about to complete his dialogue. I took his hand in my hand, closed my eyes said “wo tumse bewafaai kar rahi hai. Aur kisi ke saath uska chakkar hai uska”.

Hahahahahhaha.. you should have seen his face!

Patient: Baba aap mahaan ho. Aap kripaya meri samsya ko solve Karen…

Being a sadistic and anti-educated person, I asked him his age and qualification.

Patient: Baba, mai ek MBA hun… meri umra 30 saal.

If you had the ability to peep into my mind, you could easily sense that I was rolling with laughter. i enjoyed every bit of his superstition that an uneducated baba like me would cure his problem!

I continued “Baccha, tumhari naadi dekhke pata chalta hai ki tum bahut acche insaan ho. Tum bahut mehnati ho.” He nodded in agreement. I have developed a knack of understanding people. See, when he said that he is an MBA, that DOES mean that he must have worked hard for exam preparation and then during his MBA education. So, what I said was just based on his words. I didn’t use any extra-terrestrial power to judge that small a thing!..hahahahahah….. finally, I took a locket out of my pocket. I kept that locket is the ash-bowl in front of me. I closed my eyes for 5 minutes. And then gave him that locket dipped in ash.

Patient: Dhanyawaad baba. Muje aap pe poora vishwaas hai. Bas meri duvidha door kar dijiye….”

I didn’t say anything. I just responded by saying “tathastu” and smiled at him so that he would feel that his work will get done. The moment he left, I started laughing like crazy. I mean, what can my locket dipped in some bloody ash do good to him? How on earth do you educated people believe in me? Hehehhe… seriously, I am sure that I am not going to let my child spend waste his precious years in getting a graduate degree. I will teach him all the tricks of fooling people and he will be well off financially.

Every day I get some 20 patients. I charge them somewhere around rs.500 to rs. 2000 – depending upon the problem and the financial status of the ‘patient’. Like, if a rich ‘patient’ comes to get his problems solved, I charge him more. And you know what, the best part is that these rich ‘patients’ are like golden goose for me. I cut them very slowly. Usually, I start with a packet of ash. Then following week, I give them a locket, then a mantra, then something , then something! Hahahahahahhaha… I love these rich ‘patients’. Thank god for giving me such fat-wallet patients!

Today let me share a few things that I do to fool my ‘patients’….

What I do

Why I do that

1) taking the hand of the patient in my hand and acting as if I am try to doing a diagnosis by feeling the vein of the patient

This basically instills a good faith in the patient. He/she feels that what I am doing is absolutely right. He/she feels that I am trying to get to the root of the problem. hehehehhe…

2) Telling the patient to take a look at his watch and then waking me up after 7 minutes 40 seconds.

Sometimes, being precise helps. See, when I tell the patient that I am going to close my eyes to talk to the evil and the god for 7 minutes and 40 seconds, the ‘patient’ first wonders why “7 minutes and 40 seconds?” then I smile at him as if I know everything about his problem. He better shut up and let me do my work. This instills a deep faith of the ‘patient’ on me.

3) putting the hand of the patient in the ash-bowl and then keeping it on the crystal ball

These kinds of weird actions makes the ‘patient’ believe that the money that they are spending is worth.

4) while point number 3 is being done, I tell the patient to chant a mantra

For Instilling more faith on me! hahahahhahaha…

5) Giving a small packet of ash and asking the patient to dip it in a well or a river which is not at polluted.

The patient starts believing that my powers have really to do something with the PURITY of the water!....

Seriously, it’s very easy to fool people. The basic reason being the frustration of the people with the illness which has been tormenting them for days or months! See, suppose you have SOME illness. You try Allopathy, homeopathy, Ayurveda, etc… even if things don’t turn out to be positive, then naturally you will do that the world finds STUPID! And that is coming to a tantrik like me! The willingness to be up and ready is stronger than the normal logic of not trusting a tantrik. Sometimes, Superstition defies science and logic! And that’s when I make money!

If you see the things from my angle, you would realize that what I am doing is not wrong or illegal. People trust me. I give them SOME medicine or ash or something. Most of the times, the patients recover soon because of the faith than what I give. Psychological help or advantage is what I indirectly give my patients. For that they pay rs.500 to rs.2000! fair deal naa?... I heal you (however it maybe) and you pay me! Simple business!

Most of the people of my fraternity are not god-fearing people. At the end of the day, I do and pooja and ask God to forgive me for sins that I did throughout the day. Sins of looting people of hundreds of people. But then, I am going to continue to do this work till the time educated people like you keep coming to me! Hahahahhaa….

Use some common sense, scientific knowledge and logic and you will realize that my tricks don’t work! These “anti-superstition” NGOs are trying to spread so much knowledge. Don’t you listen to them?

Till the day your heart rules your brain to make a decision, I am surely going to enjoy my life…!hahahhahahahaha….

Tathastu!!!

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