Life is.....

In my zest to analyse things, I thought let me try to analyse life… here is my interpretation….


Life is like chess….

Sometimes you do need to take a few steps back and analyse the situation and then take the necessary forward steps…


Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are gonna get….

Every next moment is so damn unpredictable. You can never be sure what fate has in store for you in the next moment. You might be happy your mediocre job and suddenly you might be a winner of a rs.5 crore lottery because of one rs.10 ticket you bought casually…

Life is not a fairy tale…

Optimism is considered to be a good way of life. I agree to it only to a certain extent. Optimism leads us to think only of rosy situations in life. Sometimes we tend to get too much swayed away by rosy imagination that we forget that the real world is not that conducive to achieve what we want in life. When I was in college, even I used to dream of IIMs. I used to think that since I am from VJTI, I can achieve anything that I set my eyes on. But NO. That was not the case. I took CAT 3 times, but still couldn’t get enough marks to into any IIM… I had to accept the fact that I was not cut out for any IIM… so, I say, life is not a fairy tale… you wouldn’t get anything and everything that you set your eyes on… it’s very necessary to have a back-up plan in life…. There is a dialogue in the movie TEEN DEEWAREIN – “life mein hamesha, ek choti si, teesri gali khuli honi chaiye”… I surely believe in that!!!!



Life is not about being the best or perfect….

Aamir khan is always praised for being a perfectionist. I agree he is. And he needs to be perfect if he wants a good work product. But, in life, I really feel that one should not strive for perfection. Life is not about being perfect. The day you start becoming obsessive about being perfect in anything you do, you will stop enjoying the small pleasures in achieving a target. One can even reach a stage where hunger for being a perfectionist can lead to schizoprehenic behavior because in the process of being perfect, one would tend to be not realistic and keep burning oneself to the extreme and then one day, crumble under pressure… don’t try to test the elasticity of life… you never know you might snap because of zest for being perfectionist…


Life is not about comparisons.….

Living a peaceful life is a blessing that not everyone gets in life. One should realize that happiness, sadness, success, etc are different for different people. Lives CANNOT be compared. Every human being is a different entity. Please don’t compare yourself with others; otherwise you would end up being unsatisfied in life. I have seen so many instances of comparisons that I can vouch for the fact atleast 30 % of suicides are because of bloody, fucking comparisons!!!!! Comparisons with peers, junior regarding achievements, salary, looks, talent, blah blah blah...!!!!! oh fuck!.. my brains are totally fucked up because of comparisons!!!!!!! Now I am so averse to comparisons that I cannot stand even one line of comparison….

Life is like Railway line made of up various stations…

From kalyan to CST, there are around 25 stations. People board the train from kalyan and get down at respective stations to go for work or for whatever reasons. Similarly, life is made of a number of stations. You need to know what you want in life and then get down at the right station at the right time… Getting down at the right time and station is all that matters in life to achieve what you want... so, first determine what you want in life and then alight at the right station….

Life is not a book of guidelines….

Many of us are brought up being told that “you do X to achieve Y” or “you don’t o this because that line is not safe or xyz…”. Till teenage, listening to others is OK. But when you understand what you want in life and how you will achieve that in life, throw the gloves in the air, untie yourself from all the society-accepted norms and do what makes you happy.. (disclaimer : you shld know what is wrong or right for you :-D…). in short, life is not a guide-book that has to be followed rule-by-rule!...

Theory of Relativity – SADNESS!

Since childhood I had this desire of coming up with my own theories on something. This blog has helped me do so.

So here is a small attempt to dissect my theory of relativity. Happiness, Success, sadness, satisfaction, frustration, love, sense of achievement, etc are so RELATIVE terms! I mean, these terms hold so different meaning for different people. Let me try to touch upon SADNESS in this post…

Character	What SADNESS means to him/her
Bindiya- a drummer’s daughter	1) while playing Lagori, not being able to hit the pile of Chippis even after 5 attempts! 2) being just a mute spectator while her parents are fighting over a bowl of uncooked rice. 3) not being able to absorb the death of her beloved stray dog – Moti. 4) not being able to do anything when her father arrives home in a drunken state and creates chaos forcing her mom to sleep outside the hut made of tin and asbestos.
24 year old mentally challenged girl	1) missing her favorite cartoon on TV. 2) not being able to win a running competition even when she knew she could have easily won. 3)her mumma scolding her for the first time in front of guests. 4) not getting a surprise gift that she had expected on her birthday.
77 yr old man thrown out of his own house	1) not being able to see the sky clearly, wherein he used to search for the brightest star who he considered his wife. 2) getting more care and love from strangers than from his own children. 3) not being able to gather enough courage to end his life. 4) contracting one more disease to the already long list of ailments he is suffering from.
Bar girl	1) being caught in a police-raid and not having enough money to free herself from jail! 2) the bar where was working, that gets shut down for some reason. 3) being cheated of a huge assured sum for one night…
8th std student Vineet	1) not being able to win the heart of the girl that he likes. 2) not being able to make his parents understand that he should not be compared with anyone and that he is tired of being compared to apples and oranges.. 3) not being able to help his friend in need.
Construction labourer	1) not getting wages since last one week. 2) collapse of 2 recently built floors and being made responsible for that event. 3) not being financially capable to get himself treated for a fever that he has been trying to avoid since last 15 days and that eventually leads to worsening of health.
A software developer	1) working on a project and then boss taking all the credit.! 2) losing job in times of recession..
A rickshaw driver	1) rickshaw being sabotaged in a riot. 2) being hit badly by a group of bikers for no falut of his..! 3) not being able to earn enough money to pay his monthly installment of rickshaw.

Btw, few of the above mentioned characters are the characters of my forthcoming book called as “Being In Their Shoes…” (I m thinking of renaming it to “Through their eyes”..lets c…)

Theory of Relativity-Success…

Since childhood I had this desire of coming up with my own theories on something. This blog has helped me do so.

So here is a small attempt to dissect my theory of relativity. Happiness, Success, sadness, satisfaction, frustration, love, sense of achievement, etc are so RELATIVE terms! I mean, these terms hold so different meaning for different people. Let me try to touch upon SUCCESS in this post…

Character	What SUCCESS means to him/her
Bindiya- a drummer’s daughter	1) while playing Lagori, being able to break the pile of Chippis fall with just one shot! 2) being able to play her father’s drums in such a way that her parents smile at her and say “ accha bajaya”… 3) being able to make a round chapatti while helping her mother with household chores..
24 year old mentally challenged girl	1) solving a maths problem that no one else in the class could solve. 2) winning a car race on computer. 3) making a drawing that her mom and dad can’t stop praising.
77 yr old man thrown out of his own house	1) being able to live through the day without taking anybody’s help. 2) not thinking about suicide. 3)being able to make neighbours’s kids happy by telling them short stories and getting a cup of tea or a plate of Poha to eat.
Bar girl	1) getting the maximum number of customers on that day! 2) getting an offer of more than rs.20000 for one night. 3) seeing her child top the class…
8th std student Vineet	1) getting a smile from the girl he likes 2) being able to beat his opponent in all the subjects. 3) his parents telling their friends about how brave, studious and handsome their son is!
Construction labourer	1) getting wages of that day on time. 2) completion of one floor. 3) getting a compliment from his boss that he will be promoted to the post of Supervisor.
A beggar sitting on the foot-over-bridge of platform	1) being able to gather more than rs.30 the whole day. 2) god listening to her prayers and making a generous boy shell out a Rs.10 ka note because of some reason which made him happy. 4) waking up in the morning to find 2 packets of biscuits by side.
A software developer	1) an ONSITE opportunity 2) getting a promotion 3)being assigned as a lead to lead a team of 3 beautiful female developers!
A rickshaw driver	1) a long-distance fare from Mulund to Borivli 2) Being able to impress the bar girl whom he drops everyday from home to hotel! 3) getting good advice from a fellow passenger regarding education for his children.
An ultra-rich man	1) a new business deal 2) getting an “company of the year” award. 3) getting his son or daughter admitted to Stanford or Kelloggs for education after 12th!

Btw, few of the above mentioned characters are the characters of my forthcoming book called as “Being In Their Shoes…” (I m thinking of renaming it to “Through their eyes”..lets c…)

Theory of Relativity- Happiness…

Since childhood I had this desire of coming up with my own theories on something. This blog has helped me do so.
So here is a small attempt to dissect my theory of relativity. Happiness, sadness, satisfaction, frustration, love, sense of achievement, etc are so RELATIVE terms! I mean, these terms hold so different meaning for different people. Let me try to touch upon HAPPINESS in this post…

Character	What HAPPINESS means to him/her
Bindiya- a drummer’s daughter	1) Receiving a small toy from her mother 2) her dad taking her to a wedding ceremony where he is going to play drums 3) having a delicious lunch at a wedding ceremony and eating till she burps 10 times! 4) travelling with her dad in an A/C bus
24 year old mentally challenged girl	1) a kiss from her mom and dad 2) her teacher giving her a chocolate for solving a maths problem 3) a new toy from her best friend
77 yr old man thrown out of his own house	1) love from small kids calling him “nana”.. 2) 2 meals a day 3) affection from neighbours who empathise with him
Bar girl	1) more customers on that day 2) a crazy businessman showering notes of Rs.1000 or rs. 500 on her.. 3) no clashes at home 4) seeing a smile on her baby’s face and dreaming that her baby will not follow her footsteps !...
8th std student Vineet	1) a smile from the girl he likes 2) teacher making him stand in front of the whole class so that he can see her girlfriend more clearly 3) getting an A + in his favorite subject
Construction labourer	1) getting wages of that day on time. 2) playing with his baby and assuring himself that his hard work will surely not let his baby follow his life footprints. 3) not getting injured while doing construction on that day.
A beggar sitting on the foot-over-bridge of platform	1) getting a packet of parleG 2) TC and Havaldar not caring to shoo them away from their place. 3) a generous boy shelling out a Rs.10 ka note because of some reason which made him happy 4) waking up in the morning to find 2 packets of biscuits by side.
A software developer	1) an ONSITE opportunity 2) an increment more than his colleagues 3) a new babe in his team
A rickshaw driver	1) a long-distance fare from Mulund to Borivli 2) release of a film starring “Himesh Reshamiya” 3) decrease in the rates of petrol
An ultra-rich man	1) a new business deal 2) a big loss in his competitors’ business.

Btw, few of the above mentioned characters are the characters of my forthcoming book called as “Being In Their Shoes…” (I m thinking of renaming it to “Through their eyes”..lets c…)

Depression

As we all know, Depression is a condition wherein start feeling low in life, start doubting our own capabilities, start hating the person or the situation for making us feel sad and so dejected that we tend to de-value self.


As far as I recollect, I have been in depression for some 4-5 times in life… every time for a different reason.

Yesterday I was depressed for one reason which a normal teenager goes through. While travelling back to home, I was sitting on the window seat. I had my bag on my lap. This was the first time in last 1.5 years that I wasn’t listening songs on my IPOD. I was just feeling the cold breeze and staring at the stations, people, trees, buildings, and almost anything that came in front of my eyes. I could feel the gravity of earth acting heavily on me. Even if a TC had come to check my railway PASS, I don’t think I would have had the energy to take the wallet out and show him the PASS.

But, somehow, somewhere deep down in my heart, I was so happy that she came to meet me and clear out the things. Otherwise, she could have abruptly rejected my feelings and not cared to explain me the things. But then, she cared to coax me. She cared to dissect the whole situation. And, I swear by god, I now have immense respect for her. Of course, she is now just a normal friend for me. But, yes, a great respect is what I have for her now. The sweetest thing about her was that she didn’t want me to be alone, sitting on the MD. So she said that wanted to eat and then we parted after having dinner. Parted, only to be in touch as good friends. And yes, I am happy to have a sincerely sweet friend like her. I wish she gets a nice life partner that she deserves….

Sometimes, we take “being happy” for granted to so much extent that we don’t realise the importance of being happy. Seriously, I keep cracking jokes the whole day. I keep laughing the whole day. But, I had never realised that I should consider myself so lucky that I am happy the whole day. I mean, its like, you don’t FEEL the significance of being happy throughout the day. Depression makes you realise the importance of being happy.


There are many more things that depression teaches you:

1) Human nature.

2) If you love or like someone, that doesn’t guarntee you that you would be loved or liked back.

3) You start accepting things that never would have thought you would be able to digest. I mean, if a person doesn’t like, then you can’t force that person to like you.

4) You start realising the importance of the people who love you. You start valuing the affection or love that your loved ones shower on you.

5) You start beliving in the phrase “ being happy is not the only thing in life”!!!

6) You start valuing old songs...

7) You don’t want to, but even then, you are forced to belive in “jo hota hai acche ke liye hota hai”….

8)  Never love a person so much that he or she takes ur love for granted and then loses respect for u !!!!! (thiis is the most basic mistake that human beings do... not controlling ur feelings...and losing ur self-respect becuase u are so much in love.....)


All in all, depression, to a certain extent, calms you down and tells you to value ur happiness!!!!! That’s why, I say, get into depression sometimes!!! :-D…

small things that make us happy

Today, while I was listening to one of my most favorite songs – EK LAU IS TARAH (from the movie Aamir), I thought of all those people, rather victims of bomb blasts, accidents, etc. who didn’t do anything bad to deserve such a harsh punishment in life. I mean, you are dining in five star hotel, enjoying the meal with the people you like and then suddenly a bomb explodes and your life changes for the worse…. Or you are travelling in the first class bogie, enjoying cool breeze sitting on the window sit and suddenly a bomb planted in some bag kept on the shelf explodes!... all you can say is “what was my fault????...”…

Then I thought of small small things that make us happy …. This is what I could think..:

1) Sleeping in your own home, with all your family members around you… I mean, I have this kind of a feeling every night when I am home. With my mom on the bed next to mine, I feel that “abhi kuch bhi ho to chalega.. meri mummy ke baaju mein hun mai… bas…”…

2) You want to catch the 10.16 CST slow local. You leave the home at 10.00. You get the rickshaw as soon as you reach the main road. All the while, you keep praying to god that train be late. You reach the station at 10.13. you see the train approaching the station. You take the foot-over-bridge and run as fast you can and just as the train reaches the station, you too are on the station. And you jump into the train to get your favorite window seat!

3) Sitting on marine drive with the person you like… you look into her face and keep staring at her for the way she smiles or giggles… you keep blabbering some pakau Jokes so as to keep her smiling… you make up things and say it in such a way that makes her giggle continuously… needless to say, the smile that suffuses your faces is enough to keep you happy for the rest of the week!...

4) You are standing in a long queue for A/C bus. You let 2 A/C busses pass because you want that most favorite seat on the last 4^th row!... I have done that twice because I wanted to sit on my most fav seat!

5) You are travelling in train and are sitting on the window seat.. you are listening to FM Radio. You like some recent song and are praying that the Radio jockey plays you favorite song. You stick on the one FM station to hear that most recent song. You are just about to change the FM station and just then, your favorite song is played!... the kind of happiness that you get is just immeasurable!... only hard core music lovers would understand my point…

6) You talk to your GF/BF during the day. Then at night, before going to sleep, you check your mobile to see if there is any message from her/him. You don’t see any. You are disappointed. But, just as you are about to keep your mobile aside, you see a message “Gn Tc “ from her/him… I am sure that the whole night you will keep smiling!

7) you have some 5000 to 6000 songs on your IPOD (not knowing which all songs are there in your IPOD). One fine day, while you are travelling in KingLong Bus,you hear a song that start liking instantly. You become crazy for that song. You SMS all your friends asking them if they have the song. You spend the whole day waiting for someone to mail you that song. Just before going to sleep you happen to search for that song on your IPOD. You thought that you didn’t have that song. But just as a try, you search. And whooaaaa! You find that song right on your IPOD! Needless to say, you will hear that song atleast 10-20 times before you go to sleep!... this happened to me few days ago…so I can vouch for that fact that such a incident can happen!

8) You regularly get SMSes from a friend of yours whom you like very much. Suddenly he/she stops SMSing you. You get disappointed, but don’t call him/her. Suddenly, one fine morning you wake up to see a ‘Good Morning’ message from him/her. That would surely make you smile. And that day you will realize how much you missed not getting SMS from him/her…. Its never too late to acknowledge the love or liking for someone who is special to you (not necessarily GF/BF)…

9) You wake up in the morning, get ready for office. Mom makes tiffin for you. you are bored of the roj ka bhaaji-chapati. You reach office. Work for some time and go to have lunch. You open your tiffin to find the most favorite dish of yours (Undhyoo in my case). Your friends will easily gauge the happiness suffusing your face… and you SMS you mom for making such a lovely tiffin. Now your mom would be happy!

10) It’s a rainy morning. Heavy rains had lashed the city throughout the night. You look through the window and pray to god to disrupt the railways… you get up and switch on the TV . you hear the reporters say “itni bhaari baarish ke kaaran sabhi trains radd kar di gayi hai… stithi aur 12 ghanto tak sudharneki koi aashankaa nahi hai…”. You smile and your belief in god strengthens!

Autobiography of a Tantrik….

In last 4 hours I had 6 clients visiting me. One had a problem related to stomach. Three were suffering from marital problems and the rest two were having problems with their boss.

I cannot stop laughing when educated people come to me to get their problems solved. Of course I don’t laugh in front of them. but mun hi mun main bahut hasta hun…Whenever I ‘cure’ an educated person of his problems, I get a kind of wicked satisfaction. I mean, I am just a 5th grade student. And when I cure an educated person of his illness using my Mantras, I wonder what is the use of education that doesn’t teach you to be practical. Like, last week, I got this ‘patient’ who had lot of issues with his wife. He doubted his wife having an affair. This is how our conversation went :

Patient : Charansparsh Maharaj.

I just gestured. I didn’t greet him back. See, it’s a normal human psychology that if I don’t greet him back and instead I just gesture that I accepted his greetings, then I would have an upper hand in the meeting. As simple as that. He continued.

Patient: Maharaj, mai bahut chintit hun. Meri Biwi….

I stopped him just when he was about to complete his dialogue. I took his hand in my hand, closed my eyes said “wo tumse bewafaai kar rahi hai. Aur kisi ke saath uska chakkar hai uska”.

Hahahahahhaha.. you should have seen his face!

Patient: Baba aap mahaan ho. Aap kripaya meri samsya ko solve Karen…

Being a sadistic and anti-educated person, I asked him his age and qualification.

Patient: Baba, mai ek MBA hun… meri umra 30 saal.

If you had the ability to peep into my mind, you could easily sense that I was rolling with laughter. i enjoyed every bit of his superstition that an uneducated baba like me would cure his problem!

I continued “Baccha, tumhari naadi dekhke pata chalta hai ki tum bahut acche insaan ho. Tum bahut mehnati ho.” He nodded in agreement. I have developed a knack of understanding people. See, when he said that he is an MBA, that DOES mean that he must have worked hard for exam preparation and then during his MBA education. So, what I said was just based on his words. I didn’t use any extra-terrestrial power to judge that small a thing!..hahahahahah….. finally, I took a locket out of my pocket. I kept that locket is the ash-bowl in front of me. I closed my eyes for 5 minutes. And then gave him that locket dipped in ash.

Patient: Dhanyawaad baba. Muje aap pe poora vishwaas hai. Bas meri duvidha door kar dijiye….”

I didn’t say anything. I just responded by saying “tathastu” and smiled at him so that he would feel that his work will get done. The moment he left, I started laughing like crazy. I mean, what can my locket dipped in some bloody ash do good to him? How on earth do you educated people believe in me? Hehehhe… seriously, I am sure that I am not going to let my child spend waste his precious years in getting a graduate degree. I will teach him all the tricks of fooling people and he will be well off financially.

Every day I get some 20 patients. I charge them somewhere around rs.500 to rs. 2000 – depending upon the problem and the financial status of the ‘patient’. Like, if a rich ‘patient’ comes to get his problems solved, I charge him more. And you know what, the best part is that these rich ‘patients’ are like golden goose for me. I cut them very slowly. Usually, I start with a packet of ash. Then following week, I give them a locket, then a mantra, then something , then something! Hahahahahahhaha… I love these rich ‘patients’. Thank god for giving me such fat-wallet patients!

Today let me share a few things that I do to fool my ‘patients’….

What I do	Why I do that
1) taking the hand of the patient in my hand and acting as if I am try to doing a diagnosis by feeling the vein of the patient	This basically instills a good faith in the patient. He/she feels that what I am doing is absolutely right. He/she feels that I am trying to get to the root of the problem. hehehehhe…
2) Telling the patient to take a look at his watch and then waking me up after 7 minutes 40 seconds.	Sometimes, being precise helps. See, when I tell the patient that I am going to close my eyes to talk to the evil and the god for 7 minutes and 40 seconds, the ‘patient’ first wonders why “7 minutes and 40 seconds?” then I smile at him as if I know everything about his problem. He better shut up and let me do my work. This instills a deep faith of the ‘patient’ on me.
3) putting the hand of the patient in the ash-bowl and then keeping it on the crystal ball	These kinds of weird actions makes the ‘patient’ believe that the money that they are spending is worth.
4) while point number 3 is being done, I tell the patient to chant a mantra	For Instilling more faith on me! hahahahhahaha…
5) Giving a small packet of ash and asking the patient to dip it in a well or a river which is not at polluted.	The patient starts believing that my powers have really to do something with the PURITY of the water!....

Seriously, it’s very easy to fool people. The basic reason being the frustration of the people with the illness which has been tormenting them for days or months! See, suppose you have SOME illness. You try Allopathy, homeopathy, Ayurveda, etc… even if things don’t turn out to be positive, then naturally you will do that the world finds STUPID! And that is coming to a tantrik like me! The willingness to be up and ready is stronger than the normal logic of not trusting a tantrik. Sometimes, Superstition defies science and logic! And that’s when I make money!

If you see the things from my angle, you would realize that what I am doing is not wrong or illegal. People trust me. I give them SOME medicine or ash or something. Most of the times, the patients recover soon because of the faith than what I give. Psychological help or advantage is what I indirectly give my patients. For that they pay rs.500 to rs.2000! fair deal naa?... I heal you (however it maybe) and you pay me! Simple business!

Most of the people of my fraternity are not god-fearing people. At the end of the day, I do and pooja and ask God to forgive me for sins that I did throughout the day. Sins of looting people of hundreds of people. But then, I am going to continue to do this work till the time educated people like you keep coming to me! Hahahahhaa….

Use some common sense, scientific knowledge and logic and you will realize that my tricks don’t work! These “anti-superstition” NGOs are trying to spread so much knowledge. Don’t you listen to them?

Till the day your heart rules your brain to make a decision, I am surely going to enjoy my life…!hahahhahahahaha….

Tathastu!!!