Ek Lau Is Tarah Kyun Bujhi Mere Maula….

“Ek Lau Is Tarah..” is a song from the movie AAMIR. This is my most favorite song ever! mainly because of the meaning and the soft background music… The first time i heard this song was at the time of 26/11 Mumbai attacks. There used to be a video that showed the carnage of the terrorist attack and then at the end there used to be a list of martyrs that scrolled up on the screen… all this had this beautiful song as the backdrop …

Almost every time i listen to this song, i have tears in my eyes… life is so fragile… i mean, you are sitting in TAJ hotel, having a lavish dinner with your friends and someone all of a sudden drops a bomb on your hotel and you are taken hostage and then killed for no fault of yours…!… It is so difficult to accept a heart-rending conclusion for no mistake of yours…

I just want to dedicate this to all those who lost their lives, whose families were destroyed, those who are injured and perhaps crippled forever, for the city, for all the citizens, for all those who were affected in any manner. This should not have happened. I pray for everyone affected…

 

(Song has been written by Amit Trivedi, from the soundtrack of Aamir, sung by Shilpa Rao)

 

Ek Lau Is Tarah Kyun Bhuji Mere Maula…

(Why was a flare extinguished like this, my Lord…)

Gardishon Mein Rehti, Behti Guzarthi,

Zindagi Aahein Kitni…

(Struggling through dark clouds, flowing, passing by,

There are so many lives [being lived]…)

In Mein Se Ek Hai, Teri Meri Agni,

Koi Ek Jaisi Apni…

(Your life and my life is just one flame amongst all of these)

Par Khuda Khair Kar, Aisa Anjaam Kisi Rooh Ko,

Na De Kabhi Yahaan…

Guncha Muskuratha Ek Waqt Se Pehle,

Kyun Chodd Chala Tera Yeh Jahaan…

(But God please, may no soul here receive, this kind of ending…

Why is it that a smiling bunch of flowers wilted/died before its time had come?)

{*writer refers to the gradual, sweet smelling natural death of a flower."}

Ek Lau Is Tarah Kyun Bhuji Mere Maula,

Ek Lau Zindagi Ki Maula.

(Why was a flare extinguished like this, my Lord,

A flare of Life, my Lord)

Dhoop Ke Ujaale Se, Aus Ke Pyaale Se,

Khushiyan Mile Humko…

Zyada Manga Hai Kahaan, Sarhadein Na Ho Jahaan,

Duniya Mile Humko…

(The light of the sunshine, the beauty of the morning dew,

We recieve joy from all of this…

Is it too much that we ask for a world with no borders*)

{*As in, borders/divisions between people, ethnicities, religions…symbolizing all artificially created conflict amongst humanity}

Par Khuda Khair Kar, Uske Armaan Mein Kyun

Bewaja Ho Koi Qurbaan,

Guncha Muskuratha Ek Waqt Se Pehle,

Kyun Chodd Chala Tera Yeh Jahaan…

(But God please, why should anyone be sacrificed to fulfill this desire*…

Why is it that a smiling bunch of flowers wilted/died before its time had come?)

{*Why should there be sacrifice for the sake of creating this division-less, conflict-free society?}

Ek Lau Is Tarah Kyun Bhuji Mere Maula,

Ek Lau Zindagi Ki Maula. (2)

(Why was a flare extinguished like this, my Lord,

A flare of Life, my Lord)

Weddings in India…

2 months ago I had been to Gujarat to attend my cousin’s wedding. After the wedding was over, I kept thinking about weddings in general…this is what I could think of…

I feel that weddings are:

1) A good platform for finding life-partners: The day a girl turns 20 or the day a boy turns 22, she or he is made to attend as many weddings as possible so that she/he can be made visible in the wedding-market! Normally, the people in their 50s attend as many weddings as possible to find out prospective son-in-law or daughter-in-law for themselves! I remember the day I turned 21. I attended wedding of one of my cousins. There were so many unknown uncles who kept on asking “what is your salary?...where do u work?... do you have brother or sister?”…Of course, there is nothing wrong in considering wedding as a platform for finding life-partner. One of my very good friends from VJTI found his life partner in his friend’s wedding. He liked a girl, they talked, exchanged numbers and 2 months later they got engaged! So, in a way, weddings in India are a good platform for finding life-partners!

2) A good place to flaunt your money: There is no doubt that this is the world of “if you got it, you flaunt it”. This is true especially as far as money is concerned. Marriages are supposed to be one-time thing in one’s life. So, it is like, we don’t mind spending a lot on such an event. And on the top of it, if you are a millionaire, then for sure, you are gonna grab the eye-balls of the TV-viewers or Newspaper-readers! Take an example of Liz Hurley and Arun Nayyar!!.. (I remember that wedding more because of Liz Hurley than anything else :D..)

3) A good place to showcase your power: I don’t think you must not have heard of weddings being stalled because the girl’s family was not able to give the dowry that was demanded of them! This normally happens in villages. Wedding is one occasion where the boy’s family makes sure to show ki unka Audaa kitna hai!! Also, the more educated the groom is, the higher is the figure of the dowry. If a software engineer gets a dowry of Rs. 50 lakhs, then an IAS groom would get somewhere around 1 to 2 crore..!! (this is what I have heard..not sure though…)

4) A good time to have a reunion: Try to recollect the childhood days when we used to be so happy when we were told” this May, we are going to native place to attend XYZ’s wedding.” Of course we are happy that XYZ is getting married; but more of the excitement is for the fact that we will get a chance to meet all our cousins, uncles, aunties, etc..! So, in short, weddings in India are more of a reunion of all families than anything else! I like the excitement that covers the whole event. The sweet kids playing around, the excitement amongst the elders to be with the children of their nephews and nieces, the happiness in the face of the bride that she is going to spend the rest of her life with the person whom she has chosen to be with….

5) A good place to crib: Amongst all the happiness and fun, there would be an iota of people who would just crib about the things around. They would pick on things as small as “daal mein namak kam tha, poori mein tel kitna tha, ladki kitni moti hai, ladke kaan to dekho, hall kitna purana hai, kitni garmi hai, A/C ka bhi intazam nahi hai, etc.” It is like, however perfect you try to be, you would never be able to satisfy this lot of Cribbers!

6) A good place to observe people: I feel that weddings are a perfect place to witness many emotions under one roof.

1) Happiness: kids and all…etc as I have explained in point 4

2) Dissatisfaction: as explained in point 5

3) Jealousy: Let’s assume that the bride is very beautiful and the groom is OK types. If you had a secret microphone placed at every place in the hall, then surely you would hear boy say things like “ languor ke haath mein angoor…” or “kya misfit hai be... wo bandi itni babe, aur banda itna stupid dikhta hai… us se to accha mai hun… bhagwaan bhi naa …!”. Now, let’s assume that the groom is very handsome and bride is OK types. You would hear girls say “ naseeb leke paida hui hai wo bandi… muj mein kya kharabi thi…huhh!!” or “kaash mai us bande ko pehle mili hoti..!..aaj mai wahan khadi hoti uske baaju mein..aur hamaari Jodi kitni acchi lagti!” (Wedding is the event when the parents of the groom and bride should order “Surakhsha Kavach” from Tele-shopping!hahahahhaha…. )

4) Plots for writing stories or books: I can vouch for this point because I got my inspiration of the book “in their shoes…” after attending a wedding of a cousin of mine. In the wedding was this drummer who was playing drums when the groom’s family and entered the hall. Alongwith the drummer was his daughter in a red frock. She kept on observing my sister dressed as beautifully as a fairy; She kept on looking at the stage where the Feraas were going on, She kept looking at the decoration all around, the guests dressed in their best, etc… All this while, I was observing her. Then I thought, why not try to visualize what she must be thinking about the whole wedding and that is how I came up with my book “In their Shoes…” The first character of my book is Bindiya-a Drummer’s daughter…! Thanks to her that I am gonna be a writer soon!!!

Made-to-Order…

Last week one of my friends was buying a laptop from DELL’s website. DELL gives you the option to customize the laptop i.e if you want a higher RAM, you can do so by paying some extra amount. In short you get a “Made To Order” laptop!... I was wondering what if everything in this world was made-to-order!!!!!... I thought of a few things that I would like to have made-to-order –

1) Girlfriend : last week I was having dinner with one of my friends. She asked me “Dipen, tuje kaisi type ki ladki chaiye life mein?” I said “a cute, sweet, soft-spoken, curly-haired non-gujurati doctor”. She asked “itni saaari ladkiyan chaiye?? Ye sab qualities ek mein milna to bahut mushkil hai J.” Then I wondered if I was asking for a lot! I mean, what if God gives us what we exactly want! What if God gives us an option to have a life-partner who is made-to-order! I think that would be the best possible thing in our life. If such a thing happens then:

a) The number of extra-marital affairs will reduce drastically.

b) There will be lesser number of quarrels over petty matters and that would lead to more happiness in marital life.

c) Kids will be not be exposed to domestic violence.

d) There will be lesser number of suicides, killings over dowry, etc.

2) Parents: A few months ago I had written a blog called as “comparison-syndrome”. That blog had come straight from my heart because I face comparisons day in and day out! Every day my mom keeps saying “uska pagar dekh aur tera pagar dekh…. wo kitna patla hai aur tu kitna mota hai…wo….tu….”…!!! at those times I get so frustrated that in my next birth, I would want to ask God to give me made-to-order parents! I know that you must be feeling ki ye kitna besharam beta hai, but try to be in my shoes and you will understand my point. Taunts, comparisons are OK if they are thrown at you sometimes. If that becomes a habit, then it screws your brain! Don’t you think so?...

3) Job and Salary: As far as job is concerned, I feel that hardly anyone is happy with his/her job and salary. Even if at one time we get a satisfaction in job profile, it is very difficult to get a satisfaction in salary. Jitna bhi mile, kam hi lagega! The increase in salary looks good or satisfying for the first few months. Later on we start sulking again” kya yaaar…pagar hai ki majak hai .hatttt re”..!!!

Friends are what we choose consciously, so I don’t think we need to have friends “made-to-order”. Otherwise, the above mentioned point and few others that I could not think of , made me feel that god should give us an option to have things “made-to-order” in life!!!!

Life is.....

In my zest to analyse things, I thought let me try to analyse life… here is my interpretation….


Life is like chess….

Sometimes you do need to take a few steps back and analyse the situation and then take the necessary forward steps…


Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are gonna get….

Every next moment is so damn unpredictable. You can never be sure what fate has in store for you in the next moment. You might be happy your mediocre job and suddenly you might be a winner of a rs.5 crore lottery because of one rs.10 ticket you bought casually…

Life is not a fairy tale…

Optimism is considered to be a good way of life. I agree to it only to a certain extent. Optimism leads us to think only of rosy situations in life. Sometimes we tend to get too much swayed away by rosy imagination that we forget that the real world is not that conducive to achieve what we want in life. When I was in college, even I used to dream of IIMs. I used to think that since I am from VJTI, I can achieve anything that I set my eyes on. But NO. That was not the case. I took CAT 3 times, but still couldn’t get enough marks to into any IIM… I had to accept the fact that I was not cut out for any IIM… so, I say, life is not a fairy tale… you wouldn’t get anything and everything that you set your eyes on… it’s very necessary to have a back-up plan in life…. There is a dialogue in the movie TEEN DEEWAREIN – “life mein hamesha, ek choti si, teesri gali khuli honi chaiye”… I surely believe in that!!!!



Life is not about being the best or perfect….

Aamir khan is always praised for being a perfectionist. I agree he is. And he needs to be perfect if he wants a good work product. But, in life, I really feel that one should not strive for perfection. Life is not about being perfect. The day you start becoming obsessive about being perfect in anything you do, you will stop enjoying the small pleasures in achieving a target. One can even reach a stage where hunger for being a perfectionist can lead to schizoprehenic behavior because in the process of being perfect, one would tend to be not realistic and keep burning oneself to the extreme and then one day, crumble under pressure… don’t try to test the elasticity of life… you never know you might snap because of zest for being perfectionist…


Life is not about comparisons.….

Living a peaceful life is a blessing that not everyone gets in life. One should realize that happiness, sadness, success, etc are different for different people. Lives CANNOT be compared. Every human being is a different entity. Please don’t compare yourself with others; otherwise you would end up being unsatisfied in life. I have seen so many instances of comparisons that I can vouch for the fact atleast 30 % of suicides are because of bloody, fucking comparisons!!!!! Comparisons with peers, junior regarding achievements, salary, looks, talent, blah blah blah...!!!!! oh fuck!.. my brains are totally fucked up because of comparisons!!!!!!! Now I am so averse to comparisons that I cannot stand even one line of comparison….

Life is like Railway line made of up various stations…

From kalyan to CST, there are around 25 stations. People board the train from kalyan and get down at respective stations to go for work or for whatever reasons. Similarly, life is made of a number of stations. You need to know what you want in life and then get down at the right station at the right time… Getting down at the right time and station is all that matters in life to achieve what you want... so, first determine what you want in life and then alight at the right station….

Life is not a book of guidelines….

Many of us are brought up being told that “you do X to achieve Y” or “you don’t o this because that line is not safe or xyz…”. Till teenage, listening to others is OK. But when you understand what you want in life and how you will achieve that in life, throw the gloves in the air, untie yourself from all the society-accepted norms and do what makes you happy.. (disclaimer : you shld know what is wrong or right for you :-D…). in short, life is not a guide-book that has to be followed rule-by-rule!...

Theory of Relativity – SADNESS!

Since childhood I had this desire of coming up with my own theories on something. This blog has helped me do so.

So here is a small attempt to dissect my theory of relativity. Happiness, Success, sadness, satisfaction, frustration, love, sense of achievement, etc are so RELATIVE terms! I mean, these terms hold so different meaning for different people. Let me try to touch upon SADNESS in this post…

Character	What SADNESS means to him/her
Bindiya- a drummer’s daughter	1) while playing Lagori, not being able to hit the pile of Chippis even after 5 attempts! 2) being just a mute spectator while her parents are fighting over a bowl of uncooked rice. 3) not being able to absorb the death of her beloved stray dog – Moti. 4) not being able to do anything when her father arrives home in a drunken state and creates chaos forcing her mom to sleep outside the hut made of tin and asbestos.
24 year old mentally challenged girl	1) missing her favorite cartoon on TV. 2) not being able to win a running competition even when she knew she could have easily won. 3)her mumma scolding her for the first time in front of guests. 4) not getting a surprise gift that she had expected on her birthday.
77 yr old man thrown out of his own house	1) not being able to see the sky clearly, wherein he used to search for the brightest star who he considered his wife. 2) getting more care and love from strangers than from his own children. 3) not being able to gather enough courage to end his life. 4) contracting one more disease to the already long list of ailments he is suffering from.
Bar girl	1) being caught in a police-raid and not having enough money to free herself from jail! 2) the bar where was working, that gets shut down for some reason. 3) being cheated of a huge assured sum for one night…
8th std student Vineet	1) not being able to win the heart of the girl that he likes. 2) not being able to make his parents understand that he should not be compared with anyone and that he is tired of being compared to apples and oranges.. 3) not being able to help his friend in need.
Construction labourer	1) not getting wages since last one week. 2) collapse of 2 recently built floors and being made responsible for that event. 3) not being financially capable to get himself treated for a fever that he has been trying to avoid since last 15 days and that eventually leads to worsening of health.
A software developer	1) working on a project and then boss taking all the credit.! 2) losing job in times of recession..
A rickshaw driver	1) rickshaw being sabotaged in a riot. 2) being hit badly by a group of bikers for no falut of his..! 3) not being able to earn enough money to pay his monthly installment of rickshaw.

Btw, few of the above mentioned characters are the characters of my forthcoming book called as “Being In Their Shoes…” (I m thinking of renaming it to “Through their eyes”..lets c…)

Theory of Relativity-Success…

Since childhood I had this desire of coming up with my own theories on something. This blog has helped me do so.

So here is a small attempt to dissect my theory of relativity. Happiness, Success, sadness, satisfaction, frustration, love, sense of achievement, etc are so RELATIVE terms! I mean, these terms hold so different meaning for different people. Let me try to touch upon SUCCESS in this post…

Character	What SUCCESS means to him/her
Bindiya- a drummer’s daughter	1) while playing Lagori, being able to break the pile of Chippis fall with just one shot! 2) being able to play her father’s drums in such a way that her parents smile at her and say “ accha bajaya”… 3) being able to make a round chapatti while helping her mother with household chores..
24 year old mentally challenged girl	1) solving a maths problem that no one else in the class could solve. 2) winning a car race on computer. 3) making a drawing that her mom and dad can’t stop praising.
77 yr old man thrown out of his own house	1) being able to live through the day without taking anybody’s help. 2) not thinking about suicide. 3)being able to make neighbours’s kids happy by telling them short stories and getting a cup of tea or a plate of Poha to eat.
Bar girl	1) getting the maximum number of customers on that day! 2) getting an offer of more than rs.20000 for one night. 3) seeing her child top the class…
8th std student Vineet	1) getting a smile from the girl he likes 2) being able to beat his opponent in all the subjects. 3) his parents telling their friends about how brave, studious and handsome their son is!
Construction labourer	1) getting wages of that day on time. 2) completion of one floor. 3) getting a compliment from his boss that he will be promoted to the post of Supervisor.
A beggar sitting on the foot-over-bridge of platform	1) being able to gather more than rs.30 the whole day. 2) god listening to her prayers and making a generous boy shell out a Rs.10 ka note because of some reason which made him happy. 4) waking up in the morning to find 2 packets of biscuits by side.
A software developer	1) an ONSITE opportunity 2) getting a promotion 3)being assigned as a lead to lead a team of 3 beautiful female developers!
A rickshaw driver	1) a long-distance fare from Mulund to Borivli 2) Being able to impress the bar girl whom he drops everyday from home to hotel! 3) getting good advice from a fellow passenger regarding education for his children.
An ultra-rich man	1) a new business deal 2) getting an “company of the year” award. 3) getting his son or daughter admitted to Stanford or Kelloggs for education after 12th!

Btw, few of the above mentioned characters are the characters of my forthcoming book called as “Being In Their Shoes…” (I m thinking of renaming it to “Through their eyes”..lets c…)

Theory of Relativity- Happiness…

Since childhood I had this desire of coming up with my own theories on something. This blog has helped me do so.
So here is a small attempt to dissect my theory of relativity. Happiness, sadness, satisfaction, frustration, love, sense of achievement, etc are so RELATIVE terms! I mean, these terms hold so different meaning for different people. Let me try to touch upon HAPPINESS in this post…

Character	What HAPPINESS means to him/her
Bindiya- a drummer’s daughter	1) Receiving a small toy from her mother 2) her dad taking her to a wedding ceremony where he is going to play drums 3) having a delicious lunch at a wedding ceremony and eating till she burps 10 times! 4) travelling with her dad in an A/C bus
24 year old mentally challenged girl	1) a kiss from her mom and dad 2) her teacher giving her a chocolate for solving a maths problem 3) a new toy from her best friend
77 yr old man thrown out of his own house	1) love from small kids calling him “nana”.. 2) 2 meals a day 3) affection from neighbours who empathise with him
Bar girl	1) more customers on that day 2) a crazy businessman showering notes of Rs.1000 or rs. 500 on her.. 3) no clashes at home 4) seeing a smile on her baby’s face and dreaming that her baby will not follow her footsteps !...
8th std student Vineet	1) a smile from the girl he likes 2) teacher making him stand in front of the whole class so that he can see her girlfriend more clearly 3) getting an A + in his favorite subject
Construction labourer	1) getting wages of that day on time. 2) playing with his baby and assuring himself that his hard work will surely not let his baby follow his life footprints. 3) not getting injured while doing construction on that day.
A beggar sitting on the foot-over-bridge of platform	1) getting a packet of parleG 2) TC and Havaldar not caring to shoo them away from their place. 3) a generous boy shelling out a Rs.10 ka note because of some reason which made him happy 4) waking up in the morning to find 2 packets of biscuits by side.
A software developer	1) an ONSITE opportunity 2) an increment more than his colleagues 3) a new babe in his team
A rickshaw driver	1) a long-distance fare from Mulund to Borivli 2) release of a film starring “Himesh Reshamiya” 3) decrease in the rates of petrol
An ultra-rich man	1) a new business deal 2) a big loss in his competitors’ business.

Btw, few of the above mentioned characters are the characters of my forthcoming book called as “Being In Their Shoes…” (I m thinking of renaming it to “Through their eyes”..lets c…)

Depression

As we all know, Depression is a condition wherein start feeling low in life, start doubting our own capabilities, start hating the person or the situation for making us feel sad and so dejected that we tend to de-value self.


As far as I recollect, I have been in depression for some 4-5 times in life… every time for a different reason.

Yesterday I was depressed for one reason which a normal teenager goes through. While travelling back to home, I was sitting on the window seat. I had my bag on my lap. This was the first time in last 1.5 years that I wasn’t listening songs on my IPOD. I was just feeling the cold breeze and staring at the stations, people, trees, buildings, and almost anything that came in front of my eyes. I could feel the gravity of earth acting heavily on me. Even if a TC had come to check my railway PASS, I don’t think I would have had the energy to take the wallet out and show him the PASS.

But, somehow, somewhere deep down in my heart, I was so happy that she came to meet me and clear out the things. Otherwise, she could have abruptly rejected my feelings and not cared to explain me the things. But then, she cared to coax me. She cared to dissect the whole situation. And, I swear by god, I now have immense respect for her. Of course, she is now just a normal friend for me. But, yes, a great respect is what I have for her now. The sweetest thing about her was that she didn’t want me to be alone, sitting on the MD. So she said that wanted to eat and then we parted after having dinner. Parted, only to be in touch as good friends. And yes, I am happy to have a sincerely sweet friend like her. I wish she gets a nice life partner that she deserves….

Sometimes, we take “being happy” for granted to so much extent that we don’t realise the importance of being happy. Seriously, I keep cracking jokes the whole day. I keep laughing the whole day. But, I had never realised that I should consider myself so lucky that I am happy the whole day. I mean, its like, you don’t FEEL the significance of being happy throughout the day. Depression makes you realise the importance of being happy.


There are many more things that depression teaches you:

1) Human nature.

2) If you love or like someone, that doesn’t guarntee you that you would be loved or liked back.

3) You start accepting things that never would have thought you would be able to digest. I mean, if a person doesn’t like, then you can’t force that person to like you.

4) You start realising the importance of the people who love you. You start valuing the affection or love that your loved ones shower on you.

5) You start beliving in the phrase “ being happy is not the only thing in life”!!!

6) You start valuing old songs...

7) You don’t want to, but even then, you are forced to belive in “jo hota hai acche ke liye hota hai”….

8)  Never love a person so much that he or she takes ur love for granted and then loses respect for u !!!!! (thiis is the most basic mistake that human beings do... not controlling ur feelings...and losing ur self-respect becuase u are so much in love.....)


All in all, depression, to a certain extent, calms you down and tells you to value ur happiness!!!!! That’s why, I say, get into depression sometimes!!! :-D…

small things that make us happy

Today, while I was listening to one of my most favorite songs – EK LAU IS TARAH (from the movie Aamir), I thought of all those people, rather victims of bomb blasts, accidents, etc. who didn’t do anything bad to deserve such a harsh punishment in life. I mean, you are dining in five star hotel, enjoying the meal with the people you like and then suddenly a bomb explodes and your life changes for the worse…. Or you are travelling in the first class bogie, enjoying cool breeze sitting on the window sit and suddenly a bomb planted in some bag kept on the shelf explodes!... all you can say is “what was my fault????...”…

Then I thought of small small things that make us happy …. This is what I could think..:

1) Sleeping in your own home, with all your family members around you… I mean, I have this kind of a feeling every night when I am home. With my mom on the bed next to mine, I feel that “abhi kuch bhi ho to chalega.. meri mummy ke baaju mein hun mai… bas…”…

2) You want to catch the 10.16 CST slow local. You leave the home at 10.00. You get the rickshaw as soon as you reach the main road. All the while, you keep praying to god that train be late. You reach the station at 10.13. you see the train approaching the station. You take the foot-over-bridge and run as fast you can and just as the train reaches the station, you too are on the station. And you jump into the train to get your favorite window seat!

3) Sitting on marine drive with the person you like… you look into her face and keep staring at her for the way she smiles or giggles… you keep blabbering some pakau Jokes so as to keep her smiling… you make up things and say it in such a way that makes her giggle continuously… needless to say, the smile that suffuses your faces is enough to keep you happy for the rest of the week!...

4) You are standing in a long queue for A/C bus. You let 2 A/C busses pass because you want that most favorite seat on the last 4^th row!... I have done that twice because I wanted to sit on my most fav seat!

5) You are travelling in train and are sitting on the window seat.. you are listening to FM Radio. You like some recent song and are praying that the Radio jockey plays you favorite song. You stick on the one FM station to hear that most recent song. You are just about to change the FM station and just then, your favorite song is played!... the kind of happiness that you get is just immeasurable!... only hard core music lovers would understand my point…

6) You talk to your GF/BF during the day. Then at night, before going to sleep, you check your mobile to see if there is any message from her/him. You don’t see any. You are disappointed. But, just as you are about to keep your mobile aside, you see a message “Gn Tc “ from her/him… I am sure that the whole night you will keep smiling!

7) you have some 5000 to 6000 songs on your IPOD (not knowing which all songs are there in your IPOD). One fine day, while you are travelling in KingLong Bus,you hear a song that start liking instantly. You become crazy for that song. You SMS all your friends asking them if they have the song. You spend the whole day waiting for someone to mail you that song. Just before going to sleep you happen to search for that song on your IPOD. You thought that you didn’t have that song. But just as a try, you search. And whooaaaa! You find that song right on your IPOD! Needless to say, you will hear that song atleast 10-20 times before you go to sleep!... this happened to me few days ago…so I can vouch for that fact that such a incident can happen!

8) You regularly get SMSes from a friend of yours whom you like very much. Suddenly he/she stops SMSing you. You get disappointed, but don’t call him/her. Suddenly, one fine morning you wake up to see a ‘Good Morning’ message from him/her. That would surely make you smile. And that day you will realize how much you missed not getting SMS from him/her…. Its never too late to acknowledge the love or liking for someone who is special to you (not necessarily GF/BF)…

9) You wake up in the morning, get ready for office. Mom makes tiffin for you. you are bored of the roj ka bhaaji-chapati. You reach office. Work for some time and go to have lunch. You open your tiffin to find the most favorite dish of yours (Undhyoo in my case). Your friends will easily gauge the happiness suffusing your face… and you SMS you mom for making such a lovely tiffin. Now your mom would be happy!

10) It’s a rainy morning. Heavy rains had lashed the city throughout the night. You look through the window and pray to god to disrupt the railways… you get up and switch on the TV . you hear the reporters say “itni bhaari baarish ke kaaran sabhi trains radd kar di gayi hai… stithi aur 12 ghanto tak sudharneki koi aashankaa nahi hai…”. You smile and your belief in god strengthens!

Marriages….

Marriage, according to me, is the most complex relation to get into! You would agree too!
Now that I have reached the age where I need to get into this ‘complex relationship’, I thought of analyzing it further. On my travel to office, sometimes when I am not reading a book or writing an article for my blog, I do try to think ki meri life partner kaun hogi, kaisi hogi, kahaan ki hog, gujju hogi, Marathi hogi, B.E. hogi, MBA hogi, sweet hogi, beautiful hogi, soft-spoken hogi, gussewaali hogi etc.??? (Empty mind is devil’s workshop!)
Types of marriage: broadly 2 types : Arranged and Love !

Arranged Marriages :  The one in which you are given a photo of a girl or a boy living some 100s of kms from your home, someone whom you must never have met or imagined, someone whom you must have pictured at all (the assumption here is that one normally does try to create a default image of a life-partner, because not everyone can get an aishwarya or a shahrukh!). in this type of marriage, normally the boy’s parents and the boy go the girl’s house and try to figure out whether the “other side” is apt for their status. The girl then comes out of the kitchen and brings chai, kahdapohaa, samosa, etc. made “exclusively by her” (it’s only later on that you come to know that the samosas made by her and the ones made in a nearby snacks-corner taste the same!). The boy shyly asks the girl about her name, qualification, house-handling skills, etc. The would-be-mother-in-laws interrupt to add on to the existing qualities of the boy or girl. Like for eg, even if the girl has never ever tried making “undhyoo” in her life, the would-be-mother-in-law states with full confidence that NO ONE in the whole of gujurat can make “undhyoo” like her daughter makes. That makes the boy’s side very happy. Because, knowing how to make “undhyoo” is more important that knowing basic mathematics like “3 + 2 = 5”! And yes, the would-be-mother-in-law can confidently state the expertise of her daughter’s because she knows that there is lot of time between that day and the day her daughter gets married.
The girl then asks the boy questions like “what is your favorite dish?”, “which school did you study in” , “etc. (it’s later on girl gathers courage to ask why the boy chose her, what his expectations are, whether she would be allowed to carry on with her job, etc..). The girl’s and boy’s side then sign the MoU (memorandum of understanding) that they have liked each other’s kids and would like the carry the process further.
The date is then finalized. The boy and girl start getting nervous because since the day they talked to each other for the first time and the ‘doom’s day’, they have hardly talked to each other for some 10-15 times. Both of them pray to god to assure them that the decision that they have taken is a right decision!...

Advantages of arranged marriage:
1) The level of understanding or adjustment is higher than in other types of marriages because you know that in just 10- 15 times of ‘phone conversation’, its not possible for one to know the other fully! So its implicit that there are going to be a few things that might come up as “surprise” and the other half has to take that “surprise” as if it were as simple as “sun rises in the east”.
2) You can easily blame your parents or relatives in case the marriage goes haywire!... you can keep making others feel guilty for the rest of their lives, (of course you would be the most torn-apart..)
3) there won’t be those “you have changed a lot, you were not like this before” types of fights!

Disadvantages of arranged marriage :
1) I feel that it is very important that the boy and girl know each other before spending the second half of their lives! Without proper understanding, it would be very difficult to lead a happy life…
2) knowing each other’s moods, nature is more important than knowing whether she knows how to use computer, whether she can do an online money transfer, whether she can cook “undhyoo”, whether she can speak English well….etc
3) when a boy goes to meet a girl for the first time, it obvious that the boy is going to act as if he is some saint and has never had an affair and the girl is going to act as if she were “tulsi” of Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi (those who have not heard abt this serial, pls use google!). So, the point is that the NATURAL YOU is not exposed in such short-time meetings…. This dreads me a lot!

Love Marriages : The boy is sitting on his motorcycle and chatting with his friends. The girl is going to college with her friends. Suddenly a light whiff of wind makes the girl’s hair brush against her sweet face. The boy’s eyes are about to pop out like you see in cartoons! The boy follows the girl. The girl thinks that the boy is some pervert. The boy tries to convince her a lot. They talk to each other in the class. They talk to each other in the canteen. They talk to each other in the theater. Finally either of them proposes (normally the boy does). The either one agrees. They forget that are other human beings on this planet who might oppose them. But love is undefeatable, they think. They share this “breaking news” with parents. The parents are stunned to the core. Normally the father has his dreams of marrying his daughter in a Dhoom Dhaam manner (I wonder why he won’t do so in case it is a love marriage!). a lot of drama happens in both the houses. Finally love triumphs. The boy and girl get married.

Advantages of love marriage:
1) You know each other very well and so you know what act of ours will irk the other half. You would try to avoid doing what the other half doesn’t like…
2) You have the satisfaction that you are spending the life with the person that you wanted to be with!
3) You are happy that you took the most important decision of your life by yourself!
(I personally would prefer marrying a non-gujju because – see, I have spent 26 years following gujju culture, now i want some change in life. I want some deviation from normal. So suppose if my wife is southie or a Marathi then definitely there is going to be a vast difference in culture, food, style of living, etc. I would love to break the monotony in life by marrying a non-gujju! Non-gujju girls, are you reading this blog?? :-))

Disadvantages of love marriage:
1) Chances are high that one might take the other for granted. (a lot of my “love married” frnds have told me this)
2) With all the good points like “sweet smile, sugar-coated giggling” might also come “hot-temper” which you would know earlier also and there is no going back!
3) “why should I adjust?. You knew me well before marriage…that time you were OK and now….” These words might resound many times in the house. Arranged marriages won’t have such excuses, I feel.
All in all, each type has its pitfalls and advantages. Its upto one to figure out what is expected in a life partner….. at least, I am trying to figure out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)….

All in all, I would say that Respect in the relationship matters the most... Respect for what you are, respect for your thoughts and beliefs, respect for your past  is what should be the base for any relation. Then it doesnt matter whether your life partner is a mallu, marathi, punjabi, etc...!