Weddings in India…

2 months ago I had been to Gujarat to attend my cousin’s wedding. After the wedding was over, I kept thinking about weddings in general…this is what I could think of…

I feel that weddings are:

1) A good platform for finding life-partners: The day a girl turns 20 or the day a boy turns 22, she or he is made to attend as many weddings as possible so that she/he can be made visible in the wedding-market! Normally, the people in their 50s attend as many weddings as possible to find out prospective son-in-law or daughter-in-law for themselves! I remember the day I turned 21. I attended wedding of one of my cousins. There were so many unknown uncles who kept on asking “what is your salary?...where do u work?... do you have brother or sister?”…Of course, there is nothing wrong in considering wedding as a platform for finding life-partner. One of my very good friends from VJTI found his life partner in his friend’s wedding. He liked a girl, they talked, exchanged numbers and 2 months later they got engaged! So, in a way, weddings in India are a good platform for finding life-partners!

2) A good place to flaunt your money: There is no doubt that this is the world of “if you got it, you flaunt it”. This is true especially as far as money is concerned. Marriages are supposed to be one-time thing in one’s life. So, it is like, we don’t mind spending a lot on such an event. And on the top of it, if you are a millionaire, then for sure, you are gonna grab the eye-balls of the TV-viewers or Newspaper-readers! Take an example of Liz Hurley and Arun Nayyar!!.. (I remember that wedding more because of Liz Hurley than anything else :D..)

3) A good place to showcase your power: I don’t think you must not have heard of weddings being stalled because the girl’s family was not able to give the dowry that was demanded of them! This normally happens in villages. Wedding is one occasion where the boy’s family makes sure to show ki unka Audaa kitna hai!! Also, the more educated the groom is, the higher is the figure of the dowry. If a software engineer gets a dowry of Rs. 50 lakhs, then an IAS groom would get somewhere around 1 to 2 crore..!! (this is what I have heard..not sure though…)

4) A good time to have a reunion: Try to recollect the childhood days when we used to be so happy when we were told” this May, we are going to native place to attend XYZ’s wedding.” Of course we are happy that XYZ is getting married; but more of the excitement is for the fact that we will get a chance to meet all our cousins, uncles, aunties, etc..! So, in short, weddings in India are more of a reunion of all families than anything else! I like the excitement that covers the whole event. The sweet kids playing around, the excitement amongst the elders to be with the children of their nephews and nieces, the happiness in the face of the bride that she is going to spend the rest of her life with the person whom she has chosen to be with….

5) A good place to crib: Amongst all the happiness and fun, there would be an iota of people who would just crib about the things around. They would pick on things as small as “daal mein namak kam tha, poori mein tel kitna tha, ladki kitni moti hai, ladke kaan to dekho, hall kitna purana hai, kitni garmi hai, A/C ka bhi intazam nahi hai, etc.” It is like, however perfect you try to be, you would never be able to satisfy this lot of Cribbers!

6) A good place to observe people: I feel that weddings are a perfect place to witness many emotions under one roof.

1) Happiness: kids and all…etc as I have explained in point 4

2) Dissatisfaction: as explained in point 5

3) Jealousy: Let’s assume that the bride is very beautiful and the groom is OK types. If you had a secret microphone placed at every place in the hall, then surely you would hear boy say things like “ languor ke haath mein angoor…” or “kya misfit hai be... wo bandi itni babe, aur banda itna stupid dikhta hai… us se to accha mai hun… bhagwaan bhi naa …!”. Now, let’s assume that the groom is very handsome and bride is OK types. You would hear girls say “ naseeb leke paida hui hai wo bandi… muj mein kya kharabi thi…huhh!!” or “kaash mai us bande ko pehle mili hoti..!..aaj mai wahan khadi hoti uske baaju mein..aur hamaari Jodi kitni acchi lagti!” (Wedding is the event when the parents of the groom and bride should order “Surakhsha Kavach” from Tele-shopping!hahahahhaha…. )

4) Plots for writing stories or books: I can vouch for this point because I got my inspiration of the book “in their shoes…” after attending a wedding of a cousin of mine. In the wedding was this drummer who was playing drums when the groom’s family and entered the hall. Alongwith the drummer was his daughter in a red frock. She kept on observing my sister dressed as beautifully as a fairy; She kept on looking at the stage where the Feraas were going on, She kept looking at the decoration all around, the guests dressed in their best, etc… All this while, I was observing her. Then I thought, why not try to visualize what she must be thinking about the whole wedding and that is how I came up with my book “In their Shoes…” The first character of my book is Bindiya-a Drummer’s daughter…! Thanks to her that I am gonna be a writer soon!!!

Made-to-Order…

Last week one of my friends was buying a laptop from DELL’s website. DELL gives you the option to customize the laptop i.e if you want a higher RAM, you can do so by paying some extra amount. In short you get a “Made To Order” laptop!... I was wondering what if everything in this world was made-to-order!!!!!... I thought of a few things that I would like to have made-to-order –

1) Girlfriend : last week I was having dinner with one of my friends. She asked me “Dipen, tuje kaisi type ki ladki chaiye life mein?” I said “a cute, sweet, soft-spoken, curly-haired non-gujurati doctor”. She asked “itni saaari ladkiyan chaiye?? Ye sab qualities ek mein milna to bahut mushkil hai J.” Then I wondered if I was asking for a lot! I mean, what if God gives us what we exactly want! What if God gives us an option to have a life-partner who is made-to-order! I think that would be the best possible thing in our life. If such a thing happens then:

a) The number of extra-marital affairs will reduce drastically.

b) There will be lesser number of quarrels over petty matters and that would lead to more happiness in marital life.

c) Kids will be not be exposed to domestic violence.

d) There will be lesser number of suicides, killings over dowry, etc.

2) Parents: A few months ago I had written a blog called as “comparison-syndrome”. That blog had come straight from my heart because I face comparisons day in and day out! Every day my mom keeps saying “uska pagar dekh aur tera pagar dekh…. wo kitna patla hai aur tu kitna mota hai…wo….tu….”…!!! at those times I get so frustrated that in my next birth, I would want to ask God to give me made-to-order parents! I know that you must be feeling ki ye kitna besharam beta hai, but try to be in my shoes and you will understand my point. Taunts, comparisons are OK if they are thrown at you sometimes. If that becomes a habit, then it screws your brain! Don’t you think so?...

3) Job and Salary: As far as job is concerned, I feel that hardly anyone is happy with his/her job and salary. Even if at one time we get a satisfaction in job profile, it is very difficult to get a satisfaction in salary. Jitna bhi mile, kam hi lagega! The increase in salary looks good or satisfying for the first few months. Later on we start sulking again” kya yaaar…pagar hai ki majak hai .hatttt re”..!!!

Friends are what we choose consciously, so I don’t think we need to have friends “made-to-order”. Otherwise, the above mentioned point and few others that I could not think of , made me feel that god should give us an option to have things “made-to-order” in life!!!!

Life is.....

In my zest to analyse things, I thought let me try to analyse life… here is my interpretation….


Life is like chess….

Sometimes you do need to take a few steps back and analyse the situation and then take the necessary forward steps…


Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are gonna get….

Every next moment is so damn unpredictable. You can never be sure what fate has in store for you in the next moment. You might be happy your mediocre job and suddenly you might be a winner of a rs.5 crore lottery because of one rs.10 ticket you bought casually…

Life is not a fairy tale…

Optimism is considered to be a good way of life. I agree to it only to a certain extent. Optimism leads us to think only of rosy situations in life. Sometimes we tend to get too much swayed away by rosy imagination that we forget that the real world is not that conducive to achieve what we want in life. When I was in college, even I used to dream of IIMs. I used to think that since I am from VJTI, I can achieve anything that I set my eyes on. But NO. That was not the case. I took CAT 3 times, but still couldn’t get enough marks to into any IIM… I had to accept the fact that I was not cut out for any IIM… so, I say, life is not a fairy tale… you wouldn’t get anything and everything that you set your eyes on… it’s very necessary to have a back-up plan in life…. There is a dialogue in the movie TEEN DEEWAREIN – “life mein hamesha, ek choti si, teesri gali khuli honi chaiye”… I surely believe in that!!!!



Life is not about being the best or perfect….

Aamir khan is always praised for being a perfectionist. I agree he is. And he needs to be perfect if he wants a good work product. But, in life, I really feel that one should not strive for perfection. Life is not about being perfect. The day you start becoming obsessive about being perfect in anything you do, you will stop enjoying the small pleasures in achieving a target. One can even reach a stage where hunger for being a perfectionist can lead to schizoprehenic behavior because in the process of being perfect, one would tend to be not realistic and keep burning oneself to the extreme and then one day, crumble under pressure… don’t try to test the elasticity of life… you never know you might snap because of zest for being perfectionist…


Life is not about comparisons.….

Living a peaceful life is a blessing that not everyone gets in life. One should realize that happiness, sadness, success, etc are different for different people. Lives CANNOT be compared. Every human being is a different entity. Please don’t compare yourself with others; otherwise you would end up being unsatisfied in life. I have seen so many instances of comparisons that I can vouch for the fact atleast 30 % of suicides are because of bloody, fucking comparisons!!!!! Comparisons with peers, junior regarding achievements, salary, looks, talent, blah blah blah...!!!!! oh fuck!.. my brains are totally fucked up because of comparisons!!!!!!! Now I am so averse to comparisons that I cannot stand even one line of comparison….

Life is like Railway line made of up various stations…

From kalyan to CST, there are around 25 stations. People board the train from kalyan and get down at respective stations to go for work or for whatever reasons. Similarly, life is made of a number of stations. You need to know what you want in life and then get down at the right station at the right time… Getting down at the right time and station is all that matters in life to achieve what you want... so, first determine what you want in life and then alight at the right station….

Life is not a book of guidelines….

Many of us are brought up being told that “you do X to achieve Y” or “you don’t o this because that line is not safe or xyz…”. Till teenage, listening to others is OK. But when you understand what you want in life and how you will achieve that in life, throw the gloves in the air, untie yourself from all the society-accepted norms and do what makes you happy.. (disclaimer : you shld know what is wrong or right for you :-D…). in short, life is not a guide-book that has to be followed rule-by-rule!...

Theory of Relativity – SADNESS!

Since childhood I had this desire of coming up with my own theories on something. This blog has helped me do so.

So here is a small attempt to dissect my theory of relativity. Happiness, Success, sadness, satisfaction, frustration, love, sense of achievement, etc are so RELATIVE terms! I mean, these terms hold so different meaning for different people. Let me try to touch upon SADNESS in this post…

Character	What SADNESS means to him/her
Bindiya- a drummer’s daughter	1) while playing Lagori, not being able to hit the pile of Chippis even after 5 attempts! 2) being just a mute spectator while her parents are fighting over a bowl of uncooked rice. 3) not being able to absorb the death of her beloved stray dog – Moti. 4) not being able to do anything when her father arrives home in a drunken state and creates chaos forcing her mom to sleep outside the hut made of tin and asbestos.
24 year old mentally challenged girl	1) missing her favorite cartoon on TV. 2) not being able to win a running competition even when she knew she could have easily won. 3)her mumma scolding her for the first time in front of guests. 4) not getting a surprise gift that she had expected on her birthday.
77 yr old man thrown out of his own house	1) not being able to see the sky clearly, wherein he used to search for the brightest star who he considered his wife. 2) getting more care and love from strangers than from his own children. 3) not being able to gather enough courage to end his life. 4) contracting one more disease to the already long list of ailments he is suffering from.
Bar girl	1) being caught in a police-raid and not having enough money to free herself from jail! 2) the bar where was working, that gets shut down for some reason. 3) being cheated of a huge assured sum for one night…
8th std student Vineet	1) not being able to win the heart of the girl that he likes. 2) not being able to make his parents understand that he should not be compared with anyone and that he is tired of being compared to apples and oranges.. 3) not being able to help his friend in need.
Construction labourer	1) not getting wages since last one week. 2) collapse of 2 recently built floors and being made responsible for that event. 3) not being financially capable to get himself treated for a fever that he has been trying to avoid since last 15 days and that eventually leads to worsening of health.
A software developer	1) working on a project and then boss taking all the credit.! 2) losing job in times of recession..
A rickshaw driver	1) rickshaw being sabotaged in a riot. 2) being hit badly by a group of bikers for no falut of his..! 3) not being able to earn enough money to pay his monthly installment of rickshaw.

Btw, few of the above mentioned characters are the characters of my forthcoming book called as “Being In Their Shoes…” (I m thinking of renaming it to “Through their eyes”..lets c…)

Theory of Relativity-Success…

Since childhood I had this desire of coming up with my own theories on something. This blog has helped me do so.

So here is a small attempt to dissect my theory of relativity. Happiness, Success, sadness, satisfaction, frustration, love, sense of achievement, etc are so RELATIVE terms! I mean, these terms hold so different meaning for different people. Let me try to touch upon SUCCESS in this post…

Character	What SUCCESS means to him/her
Bindiya- a drummer’s daughter	1) while playing Lagori, being able to break the pile of Chippis fall with just one shot! 2) being able to play her father’s drums in such a way that her parents smile at her and say “ accha bajaya”… 3) being able to make a round chapatti while helping her mother with household chores..
24 year old mentally challenged girl	1) solving a maths problem that no one else in the class could solve. 2) winning a car race on computer. 3) making a drawing that her mom and dad can’t stop praising.
77 yr old man thrown out of his own house	1) being able to live through the day without taking anybody’s help. 2) not thinking about suicide. 3)being able to make neighbours’s kids happy by telling them short stories and getting a cup of tea or a plate of Poha to eat.
Bar girl	1) getting the maximum number of customers on that day! 2) getting an offer of more than rs.20000 for one night. 3) seeing her child top the class…
8th std student Vineet	1) getting a smile from the girl he likes 2) being able to beat his opponent in all the subjects. 3) his parents telling their friends about how brave, studious and handsome their son is!
Construction labourer	1) getting wages of that day on time. 2) completion of one floor. 3) getting a compliment from his boss that he will be promoted to the post of Supervisor.
A beggar sitting on the foot-over-bridge of platform	1) being able to gather more than rs.30 the whole day. 2) god listening to her prayers and making a generous boy shell out a Rs.10 ka note because of some reason which made him happy. 4) waking up in the morning to find 2 packets of biscuits by side.
A software developer	1) an ONSITE opportunity 2) getting a promotion 3)being assigned as a lead to lead a team of 3 beautiful female developers!
A rickshaw driver	1) a long-distance fare from Mulund to Borivli 2) Being able to impress the bar girl whom he drops everyday from home to hotel! 3) getting good advice from a fellow passenger regarding education for his children.
An ultra-rich man	1) a new business deal 2) getting an “company of the year” award. 3) getting his son or daughter admitted to Stanford or Kelloggs for education after 12th!

Btw, few of the above mentioned characters are the characters of my forthcoming book called as “Being In Their Shoes…” (I m thinking of renaming it to “Through their eyes”..lets c…)

Theory of Relativity- Happiness…

Since childhood I had this desire of coming up with my own theories on something. This blog has helped me do so.
So here is a small attempt to dissect my theory of relativity. Happiness, sadness, satisfaction, frustration, love, sense of achievement, etc are so RELATIVE terms! I mean, these terms hold so different meaning for different people. Let me try to touch upon HAPPINESS in this post…

Character	What HAPPINESS means to him/her
Bindiya- a drummer’s daughter	1) Receiving a small toy from her mother 2) her dad taking her to a wedding ceremony where he is going to play drums 3) having a delicious lunch at a wedding ceremony and eating till she burps 10 times! 4) travelling with her dad in an A/C bus
24 year old mentally challenged girl	1) a kiss from her mom and dad 2) her teacher giving her a chocolate for solving a maths problem 3) a new toy from her best friend
77 yr old man thrown out of his own house	1) love from small kids calling him “nana”.. 2) 2 meals a day 3) affection from neighbours who empathise with him
Bar girl	1) more customers on that day 2) a crazy businessman showering notes of Rs.1000 or rs. 500 on her.. 3) no clashes at home 4) seeing a smile on her baby’s face and dreaming that her baby will not follow her footsteps !...
8th std student Vineet	1) a smile from the girl he likes 2) teacher making him stand in front of the whole class so that he can see her girlfriend more clearly 3) getting an A + in his favorite subject
Construction labourer	1) getting wages of that day on time. 2) playing with his baby and assuring himself that his hard work will surely not let his baby follow his life footprints. 3) not getting injured while doing construction on that day.
A beggar sitting on the foot-over-bridge of platform	1) getting a packet of parleG 2) TC and Havaldar not caring to shoo them away from their place. 3) a generous boy shelling out a Rs.10 ka note because of some reason which made him happy 4) waking up in the morning to find 2 packets of biscuits by side.
A software developer	1) an ONSITE opportunity 2) an increment more than his colleagues 3) a new babe in his team
A rickshaw driver	1) a long-distance fare from Mulund to Borivli 2) release of a film starring “Himesh Reshamiya” 3) decrease in the rates of petrol
An ultra-rich man	1) a new business deal 2) a big loss in his competitors’ business.

Btw, few of the above mentioned characters are the characters of my forthcoming book called as “Being In Their Shoes…” (I m thinking of renaming it to “Through their eyes”..lets c…)

Depression

As we all know, Depression is a condition wherein start feeling low in life, start doubting our own capabilities, start hating the person or the situation for making us feel sad and so dejected that we tend to de-value self.


As far as I recollect, I have been in depression for some 4-5 times in life… every time for a different reason.

Yesterday I was depressed for one reason which a normal teenager goes through. While travelling back to home, I was sitting on the window seat. I had my bag on my lap. This was the first time in last 1.5 years that I wasn’t listening songs on my IPOD. I was just feeling the cold breeze and staring at the stations, people, trees, buildings, and almost anything that came in front of my eyes. I could feel the gravity of earth acting heavily on me. Even if a TC had come to check my railway PASS, I don’t think I would have had the energy to take the wallet out and show him the PASS.

But, somehow, somewhere deep down in my heart, I was so happy that she came to meet me and clear out the things. Otherwise, she could have abruptly rejected my feelings and not cared to explain me the things. But then, she cared to coax me. She cared to dissect the whole situation. And, I swear by god, I now have immense respect for her. Of course, she is now just a normal friend for me. But, yes, a great respect is what I have for her now. The sweetest thing about her was that she didn’t want me to be alone, sitting on the MD. So she said that wanted to eat and then we parted after having dinner. Parted, only to be in touch as good friends. And yes, I am happy to have a sincerely sweet friend like her. I wish she gets a nice life partner that she deserves….

Sometimes, we take “being happy” for granted to so much extent that we don’t realise the importance of being happy. Seriously, I keep cracking jokes the whole day. I keep laughing the whole day. But, I had never realised that I should consider myself so lucky that I am happy the whole day. I mean, its like, you don’t FEEL the significance of being happy throughout the day. Depression makes you realise the importance of being happy.


There are many more things that depression teaches you:

1) Human nature.

2) If you love or like someone, that doesn’t guarntee you that you would be loved or liked back.

3) You start accepting things that never would have thought you would be able to digest. I mean, if a person doesn’t like, then you can’t force that person to like you.

4) You start realising the importance of the people who love you. You start valuing the affection or love that your loved ones shower on you.

5) You start beliving in the phrase “ being happy is not the only thing in life”!!!

6) You start valuing old songs...

7) You don’t want to, but even then, you are forced to belive in “jo hota hai acche ke liye hota hai”….

8)  Never love a person so much that he or she takes ur love for granted and then loses respect for u !!!!! (thiis is the most basic mistake that human beings do... not controlling ur feelings...and losing ur self-respect becuase u are so much in love.....)


All in all, depression, to a certain extent, calms you down and tells you to value ur happiness!!!!! That’s why, I say, get into depression sometimes!!! :-D…