Taking for Granted….

Last week while I was traveling in a rickshaw, there was a girl who was screaming on phone – “you better don’t talk like that. Do not take me for granted. Understand?...”. she was probably screaming at her boy friend. Then I thought- wow, this is a nice topic to write on! when and why do we take someone or something for granted! That “someone” could be parents, friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, boss, etc. So here, I am gonna try to analyse a few situations where we take someone for granted.

1) Taking “being good-hearted” for granted: This, I think, is the worst mistake any person can make! I have a friend of mine who is looking out for a life partner. I asked her “hey, what all qualities would you look out for in a boy?” She said “education, money, job,good looks, hmmm…..that is it.” I asked “what about good nature, willingness to keep you happy all your life, being supportive, urge to be always by your side?” She said “Dipen, that is obvious. Yeh qualities to usme hoga hi…” Then I wondered how easily one takes “good nature, being supportive, willingness to keep you happy all your life, urge to be always by your side” for granted! These, according to me, are the prime-most important things. What is the use of a life partner who lacks in these qualities, but is highly-educated, earns 1 lakh per month, looks like Robert Pattinson? I know that some of you who are reading this blog and who know me might start judging me about my disregard for looks and money (bcos I don’t have either); but, trust me, these are temporary things. In the long run, what matters is “good nature, being supportive, willingness to keep you happy all your life, urge to be always by your side”. These qualities won’t fade away that easily, unless they hadn’t come deep down from the heart. Think about a situation where in a girl starts liking a boy just on the basis of good looks. In this case, what is happening is that the girl likes the “external appearance” of the boy. Tomorrow, unfortunately if that boy meets with an accident and his face gets disfigured and starts looking “non-handsome”, chances are very high that the girl will start searching out a guy who looks like her boyfriend-prior-to-accident. Getting my point? Same is the case with money. Money, looks, job, name, fame, etc. are temporary things in life. So, never ever base your love on temporary things in life. Always think about what is important in the long run. You can surely spend your life in a 1 BHK with a good hearted guy, but I am sure you can’t spend your life in a plush 4 BHK with a guy who doesn’t really care about your life, happiness and respect! Think about it !!!!!!

2) Taking your friends for granted: Every friend on this earth is a stranger to us before we start finding a friend in that person. In the initial stages of friendship, we take care not to hurt a person’s feelings. Later on, we start feeling “chhod naa, apna hi to dost hai” and for fun or to impress people around, we start screwing that friend left and right! Just for fun! That is when the elastic breaks and friendship gets strained. We take the friend for granted and feel that “wo to kuch nahi bolega, apna dost hai wo”. But, you never know when you must start losing respect in the eyes of that friend of yours. And the moment that respect is lost, friendship can’t stand on its feet for long either! So, never ever take your friends for granted.

3) Taking your body parts for granted: Have you ever seen adrenaline junkies drive cars or bikes at unimaginable speeds? Have you ever travelled in local trains in Mumbai? If you have, then you must have seen rowdy, dare-devils try their acrobatic feats while standing on the door. They lean out of the train as much as possible and when the train approaches a pole, they, in the nick of time, pull themselves in and evade the pole. They get a kick out of this! But, they tend to forget how important each body part is. Ask a deaf or dumb or a blind person the importance of ear, ability to speak or eyes respectively. Ask a person who lost has a leg in an accident the importance of a leg of ask a person who has lost a hand in some factory-related-accident. You will realize how easily we take “being 100% complete” for granted! Care for your body parts. Be thankful to god if you are not handicapped in any sense.

4) Taking your parents for granted: To be continued….

5) Taking your boss for granted:

what is a failure?

Every year, when the results of 10^th and 12^th std are declared, we see newspapers flooded with news of students attempting suicide because they thought that they could not meet their or their parents expectations and thus decided that they were a ‘failure’. So, I wondered why and how does one decide that one is failure and is it worth to give up life for just a ‘failure’?...

Open a Microsoft word document. Type “failure” and right click on it and go to Synonyms and you will find these alternatives for failure - breakdown, stoppage, malfunction, crash, letdown, not a success, collapse, disappointment. Just like many synonyms for failure, there are many reasons for one to consider oneself a failure. Failure is a very subjective term. It means different to different people. Let me take the example of students.

The current world is just too much bugged by the ‘Comparison Syndrome’. There is so much competition out there. Every parent wants their child to be the best/the topper/the Most X or Most Y or Most Z! Parents should remember that the topmost position can always be held by only kid. Out of a class of 70 students, there can be only one topper. The rest 69 are not toppers. But, the fact that your kid is amongst those 69 non-toppers doesn’t make your kid a failure. Trying your best to achieve your target is more important that being an achiever. There is nothing wrong in expecting your child to be one of the best; but parents should never create a mind-set that ‘being in the 69 non-toppers’ list is a crime’. There is no definite list of parameters that defines your kid to be ‘the best’ or ‘a failure’. There can be late bloomers. It is quite possible that your kid might not perform well in school, but being a very creative kid, he might excel later on in the creative world or if he is good in sports, then he might achieve something great at state level or national level! The performance in the first 16 yrs in not at all a indicator of how successful or otherwise your kid will turn out to be!

When we are in the impressionable age, we easily get affected or crumbled by external factors. There can be peer pressure, parental pressure, pressure of meeting one’s own expectation, etc. which can drive a kid mad and make him/her feel that he/she ‘is not at par’ with the world around. When such feelings occupy the mind more than any other positive thought, kids start considering themselves failure and since they don’t want to let their parents down, they think that giving up their life is the only solution to the problem. But, they forget that suicide is never ever ever ever a solution to a problem. NO PARENT on earth will be happy to see the failure of their kid be compensated with his/her life. Please remember that there IS ALWAYS a next time. Sun sets down to come up the next morning. I strongly feel that there are so many things for one to learn from nature. Have you ever cared to observe the persistence of waves? I like the fact that the sea waves incessantly keep coming to the shore as if they are challenging the boundaries and are shouting at them ―hey you boundaries, you know what, you are just a structure made of rocks and cement. We have all the power to fight you and destroy you someday. We will keep splashing against you till the day you are worn out. We won’t give up easily. That is the kind of attitude we should have in life.

Dear kids,

Never ever ever think yourself to be a failure. There is nothing wrong in being a late-bloomer. Sooner or later, every kid grows up to be someone that others will look up to! Your parents love you very much and trust me, they will never be happy without you. Have a lot of self-belief and self-confidence in whatever you do in life. Perseverance pays.

Dear parents,

Every kid in this world is different! I feel that parents should follow the "Appreciate the potential. Don’t force anyone to emulate someone else" policy.

One should be motivated. Not be compared.

One should be shown a rosy picture to pep up and achieve that thing. Not be compared.

One should be told about the positive effects of doing a particular thing. Not be compared.

All in all, for god’s sake, stop comparing your kid with others! Tell the child to score 100/100 and not try to be some "Arun" who scores 95!

Those last four biscuits…

This is the first time that I am attempting an article in a very different way. Let me tell you beforehand the gist of this article – jiske naseeb mein jo likha hai, wo usiko milta hai!!!

There are 2 main characters in this real life incidence.

1) The beggar on the foot-over-bridge of Goregaon station.

2) myself.

I will describe the incidence at various points in time.

The night before this incidence happened:

1) That beggar must have requested God to make her next day better than her present day.

2) I requested God to convince the Mayor of Mumbai to inaugurate my book.

11.45 AM that day:

1) That beggar must have been begging since morning but not got anything from the commuters passing by her.

2) The meeting with the Mayor was fruitful and she told me to go to BMC office at CST and confirm the timing.

1.00 PM that day:

1) That beggar must have stared at her bowl and must have wondered as to why did she get just 2 coins of Re.1 since morning. Where did all the kindness from people’s heart go?

2) After a very tiring morning, I was very hungry and so bought a packet of HIDE-N-SEEK at CST station. I was sitting at the window seat and was being happy at the fact that Mayor of Mumbai was ready to launch my book. I tore open the packet of biscuits and was so hungry that I had decided that I would eat all the biscuits in one go!

1.15 PM that day:

1) That beggar must have lost all the hope of a positive day ahead.

2) Out of 12 biscuits, I ate 8 and wanted to eat something salty. A Groundnutwala came and I took groundnuts worth 5 rupees. I started eating groundnuts and in the next 5 minutes my hunger vanished.

1.20 PM that day:

1) That beggar must have got one Re.1 coin from some good-hearted commuter.

2) There were only 4 HIDE-N-SEEK biscuits left in the packet. I was not willing to eat any further. I didn’t want to throw away the biscuits and so I was waiting for some urchin to come into the bogie and thereby I would have done away with the biscuits in a proper way.

1.40 PM that day:

1) That beggar must have started wondering “does God exist?”

2) The train reached Bandra station. I still had those last 4 biscuits with me. Since I hadn’t found any urchin in the last 20 minutes, I had kept those 4 biscuits in the bag. Just as the train was about to start from Bandra station, one beggar suddenly flashed in front of my eyes. Just as I was about to take out those last 4 biscuits, the train gathered speed and that beggar was nowhere in sight! I missed the chance of getting rid of those 4 biscuits…

1.45 PM that day:

1) That beggar must have lost all the hope of having a good day ahead.

2) The train reached Khar Road station. I was standing at the door and was so frustrated of having those last 4 biscuits with me that I was thinking of throwing those biscuits on the track.

1.46 PM that day:

1) Somehow, God thought “enough was enough” and thought of making that beggar happy!

2) Just as I was about to throw those last 4 biscuits away, I changed my mind and kept that packet again in the bag.

2.05 PM that day:

1) That beggar must have started believing that her day would be as ordinary as any other day!

2) I alighted at Goregaon station. I normally take the 2^nd foot-over-bridge. I changed my mind and took the 1^st foot-over-bridge (the one on which that beggar was sitting).

2.06 PM that day:

1) That beggar must have started hating God and must have thought of going to sleep in the midst of hot afternoon.

2) Just as I was passing by that beggar, I first chose to ignore that beggar. But, suddenly I changed my mind and took out those last 4 HIDE-N-SEEK biscuits and gave them to the beggar.

2.07 PM that day:

1) That beggar became happy!!!!!

2) I became happy because I did a good deed and also I got rid of those last 4 biscuits…!

All in all, from the above real life incidence, I strongly feel that – jiske naseeb mein jo hai, wo use milta hi hai!...

Think about it………..!

the launch of IN THEIR SHOES…

11^th april 2010 was the best day of my life!... This was the day when my first book – in Their Shoes…- got launched at Crossword Powai. The number of “Thank you”s or “Oh..Thanks so much” that I said must have easily crossed a million! :D… I was so much used to saying those words that day that this is how any conversation must have gone:

Someone: What is your name..?

Me: Thank you..!

Someone : where do u live?..

Me: oh..thanks so much!

Someone: which train do you take everyday?..

Me: oh..thanks a ton!...

I mean, that day I felt as if the only words in my vocabulary were “Thank you” and “oh..thanks so much”…! The day started pretty well. I got up at 7.00, prepared my speech by 9.00 and left for Crossword at 9.20...

The book launch was to start at 11.30. I reached there by 11.15 and was surprised to see people already waiting for me! :D… I felt so nice!... I met those who were waiting for me and then went inside the store and met the store manager – Tom Jose.

The launch started at 11.50 AM. The chief guest – Joseph sir sat on the first chair. I sat in the middle and Prashant Karhade (the publisher) sat to my left. Algane- the compere introduced us to the audience. After a small introduction of 3 of us, we launched the book. ie unwrapped 3 copies of my book. and then stood posing those 3 copies! Flashes went on capturing the best moment of my life. I had the widest smile ever on my face. That was the best moment of my life. A book at the age of 26! I had a sense of achievement! I had something that I would be proud of myself for the rest of my life! Joseph sir was the first one to give the speech. He talked about me as his student and then about my book and its characters. After sir, Prashant Karhade gave the speech and then it was my turn to say a few words. The first speech of my life! (giving speeches in school and college was nothing in front of this…) It took me a few seconds to control my smile. I started – “good afternoon to u all…..” (u can watch the video of my speech in a day or two…). The moment I was done with my speech, there was a loud round of applause. Wow!... I could see proud faces, smiling faces, happy faces! I can’t tell you how happy I became when I could see that I had made so many people proud of me.

After my speech was over, Dutta aunty and Patwala uncle said a few kind words that came from the bottom of their heart. Later on, began the Book-signing spree! I can’t tell you how happy I was when I started giving autographs to people. This was the template that I followed:

To XYZ,

With

Best

Wishes….

From,

My signature …

after every autograph, a picture used to be clicked. Wow!.... you had to be there to see how happy I was!..

the following are the links for the pics and video:

1) Photos :

http://picasaweb.google.com/dipenambalia/LaunchOfMyBookINTHEIRSHOES#

2) Videos:

My speech at the launch:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0RywN0TmYE

Jospeh sir’s introduction:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRugIlpl6AM

The very beginning of the launch:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kL0xyvvE-XQ

All in all, 11^th april 2010 easily became the best day of my life till now. My dream of becoming a writer came true that day.

Social Transformation Through Book…

Normally, we buy a book to unwind ourselves by reading some humorous stuff, or we buy a book to help ourselves by reading some fundas of life by some spiritual guru or someone. Sometimes we read a book to know facts of some event or a personality. In short, every book serves a purpose for which the author and publisher have spent so much time, money and effort on a book. Similarly, I started writing the book – In Their Shoes… - with the intention of ‘opening the eyes’ of my readers to the ordinary people around us. In other words, I want to bring out a social transformation with my book. I know that this statement might seem to be an overstatement. But, that is the truth! Let me explicitly define the purpose that each of my characters or chapters wishes to accomplish:

1) Bindiya – A Drummer’s daughter:

a) Despite all the poverty in life, life can be lived happily if you know what to and how much to expect from life.

b) A 7 yr old girl doesn’t always need a remote-controlled car or a lavish birthday treat at a mall to be happy.

c) Even travelling once in an A/C bus can be a big thing for some people.

d) You can feel proud of your parents even if they are not MDs or CEOs of any big organization.

2) A 24 year old mentally challenged girl:

a) There are very few people on earth who can feel happiness out of the same ‘ordinary’ and ‘mundane’ things happening around us. When was the last time that you took out time to enjoy a sunrise or a sunset?

b) Next time you see a cute puppy running after its mother, observe whether that puppy is just playing with its mother or whether it is running after its mother for the fear of losing her…

c) If God snatches away one sense from us, he makes sure that some other sense strong.

d) Accept the fact that not everyone on earth can calculate “19 X 7” in less than 10 seconds.

e) ‘Being different ‘ is just a relative term.

3) A heart-broken lover boy:

a) If you love or like someone, that doesn’t guarantee you that you would be loved or liked back.

b) If a person doesn’t like you, then you can’t force that person to like you either!

c) One way relationships never work.

d) You should care for those who care for you. Caring for those who don’t care for you is not going to help the either of you.

e) Love is not as simple and straightforward as mathematics! As a normal human being, we always keep searching for the love that evades us. We always keep being restless for things that we don’t have. It is never too late to take stock of what we have in life and be happy with that rather than running after a mirage!

4) Phobic:

a) It is not abnormal to have phobias of water, space, speed, height, etc… TRYING to get rid of such phobias is important.

b) If a person doesn’t react instantly to any threat, that doesn’t mean that he is a coward.

5) 8^th std kid – Vineet:

a) For god’s sake, stop comparing your child with some Vijay or Rahul or Ramesh who score 93/100 in a subject!

b) Try to understand that every child tries his/her best to meet and exceed parents’ expectations. Don’t stress your children too much. You never know when the elastic might snap!

c) Every human being on this has a crush on someone. Some say it early, some say it later, some never say! Which category do you belong to?

d) Try to look at the positives in your child than crib about what your child lacks! Capitalizing on your strengths is more important than crying over deficiencies!

6) A Saadhu Baba:

a) When the philosophy of our life doesn’t match the philosophy of the society around us, we may start think of giving up the materialistic pleasures for the peace and love in the woods and for the pursuit of finding the TRUE SELF.

b) if you are a part of the system, then you have to abide by its rules. If you try to go against the mechanics of the system, you will be thrown out or will be forced to leave the system!

c) Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are gonna get….

7) A struggling writer:

a) Good things take time and efforts to come by.

b) Having self-belief is THE most important thing when you set out to try something new in life!...

c) When you go off the path to do something new, 99 % of the people will tell you that what you are doing is wrong and foolish. Trust the rest 1% and yourself. You will achieve what you aim for. I can vouch for this fact. In fact, 40 % of the content of this chapter is based on my life!!!

8) A broke 77 year old man living in a 140 sqft hut:

a) We are brought up being told – Give respect to get respect…in other words, before you expect to get something, do learn to give something to the world. But, sadly, this is not how the world works.

b) Sometimes you spend a lifetime, but don’t realise what your fault was which forced you to be best friends with sadness, misery and darkness.

c) Sometimes, strangers give more love than your loved ones.

9) Gatekeeper of Ashabai old age home:

a) Parents are another form of God. Respect them. Love them. Not everyone is lucky to be with the ones they love.

b) Values matter a lot. How you bring up your child is more important than whether he stands first in class or excels in sports or elocution.

c) Invest in relations. This is the best type of investment. You never know which relative might turn up as an angel in your life.

d) The sooner you accept the reality, the more time you will have to enjoy the remaining life.

Why one should read my book- In their shoes…

To help you decide whether you should read this book, please go through following 8 questions. If your answer is “NO” to even one of the questions, then you got to read “In Their Shoes…”

1) Have you ever wondered about the life of an urchin living under a flyover in Mumbai?... have you ever thought of how her daily routine must be?..Have you cared to think how, if she ever attends a wedding with her drummer father, perceives the whole lavish wedding?

2) Most of you must have seen the movie ‘Sadma’ starring Sri Devi and Kamal Hassan. But, after the movie was over, have you ever wondered how difficult or different life of a mentally challenged girl is?... have you ever about how different is ‘achievement’ or ‘dreams’ or ‘happiness’ from what it means to others?

3) Every teenager goes through phases of being in love, being in depression because of rejection, etc. have you ever wondered how it feels when you try your best to make someone happy, but that ‘someone’ doesn’t want to be made happy by you. He/she likes someone else and wants to receive her/his SMS, CALL, and EMAIL…etc…! Have you cared to learn about the lessons from such experiences from life???

4) I am sure that you must have met at least one of your friends or acquaintainces or relatives having fear of water or trains or crowded places or something. Do you know how an extreme phobic would behave?

5) A kid from 8^th std carries at least 8-9 books- class work and homework and journals, etc. every day. He fills unnecessary books like lesson diaries and tries his best to be the come first in the rat-race to be the ‘best’ rat amongst all other rats. Even he hates he is compared to other his peers or seniors or juniors! Have you ever tried to think by being in the shoes of an 8^th kid???

6) Sometime or the other you have must have been to a religious place or must have seen the saadhu babas treading the path of difficult path to salvation… have you ever thought of why he must have thought of giving up the pleasures in life and how he inteprets life?...

7) Whenever we read a book, we may like it or hate it. If we like it, then we say “wow…kya likha hai!!” But, when the book is bad, we curse him/her for writing a useless book. But, have you ever thought how difficult it is to write a book? Have you ever wondered what pain, time and effort goes into making a book? Have you ever thought how difficult it is for an electrical engineer to write a book? (considering the fact that, by societal standards, Engineers are not allowed to be creative!)

8) Till this day we have seen many movies shot at some old age home or the other. The life of an old person is very different at home where he/she is neglected by his/her own children from the life at the old-age home where he/she has the freedom to live the life that he/she wants! Have you wondered how they feel, what they do the whole day and how they keep themselves alive to see the next day?

(I could have put a few more questions, but I knew that my purpose would be solved by the above eight questions!)

A Sample Book Proposal

Dear all, this is a sample book-proposal that might help you if you are a fresher author….







The Name of Book…




By: Author’s name


XYZ Publications








Table of Contents




1) Preface

2) List of Chapters

3) Why one should care to read?

4) Synopsis

5) Why XYZ Publications should publish this book?

6) How can we market the book?

7) 3 stories : a) 1st chapter

b) 2nd chapter

c) 3rd Chapter


8) Acknowledgements

9) My Resume




Preface


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The list of Chapters


1. 1st chapter

2. 2nd chapter

3. 3rd chapter

4. 4th chapter

5. 5th chapter

6. 6th chapter

7. 7th chapter

8. 8th chapter

9. 9th chapter

10. 10th chapter

11. 11th chapter

12. 12th chapter





Why should one care to read?

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Synopsis



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About the author



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Why should XYZ Publications publish this book?



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How can we market the book?




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